As always, this year’s crop of Super Bowl commercials aimed to please the crowd. That meant hitting on themes everyone can relate to: beautiful women, drinking with your buddies, cute dogs and comb-over beards. Yes, comb-over beards. RedEye watched ’em all–and waaaaay too many CBS promos. See if you agree with our winners and clunkers.
PREGAME
Winner: Combos. The snackmaker’s spot, a teen talking to a sloppy man dressed as his mother, delivered the tagline of the evening: “What your mom would feed you … if your mom was a man.”
Clunker: Pizza Hut. A dull Jessica Simpson ad has her bolting from a movie premiere to chase down a pizza.
1ST QUARTER
Winners
— Snickers. Two burly car mechanics are afraid they accidentally kissed. “Do something manly!” one yells. Both rip out their own chest hair and scream in pain. Brilliant.
— “Late Show With David Letterman.” The camera is tight on Letterman, a Colts fan, as he explains to a Bears fan that they can still love each other. The camera pans out, and Oprah Winfrey is snuggled up next to him.
— Sierra Mist. A boss has to fire an employee wearing a beard comb-over. “It’s the beard comb-over, isn’t it?” the employee asks, later standing to reveal he’s wearing tiny jean shorts and rollerskates.
Clunkers
— FedEx. The “office on the moon” premise–and zero-gravity gags–seemed forced.
— Go Daddy. When the Web site first used a busty model in its ads, it was shocking. Now it’s a tad gimmicky.
2ND QUARTER
Winners
— Chevrolet. A group of women find their shiny Chevy swarmed by average-looking guys who whip their shirts off and wash the car. Tagline: “Guys can’t keep their hands off of it.”
— Bud Light. The slap-in-the-face has replaced the fist bump as the “in” way to celebrate. But things get awkward when a young worker smacks a boss who hasn’t picked up on the trend.
Clunker: Doritos. A cashier at the grocery store gets a little too excited about a customer’s Doritos purchases. She ends the clip by asking for a cleanup. Ewww.
3RD QUARTER
Winners
— Taco Bell. A pair of lions trying to pronounce “carrrrrrne asada” just struck us as funny for some reason.
— Emerald Nuts. A sudden drop in blood sugar causes office workers to doze off and allows lounge singer Robert Goulet to mess up everyone’s desks. Emerald Nuts promises to “keep Robert Goulet away.”
— Nationwide Insurance. Despite all kinds of hype, the Kevin Federline ad got us to laugh. There, we said it.
— Bud Light. An ax-wielding hitchhiker is holding a case of Bud Light. The guy driver agrees to pick him up when the hitchhiker claims the ax is a bottle opener.
Clunker: ETrade. The premise was clever–a bank manager robs his customers as ETrade asks if you’re tired of your bank ripping you off. But why were the “robbers” wearing animal masks?
4TH QUARTER
Winners
— Washington Mutual. Traditional bankers are about to jump off a roof because they don’t feel they can compete with Washington Mutual’s checking program, but their gold digger wives shame them into stepping back from the ledge.
— ETrade. Not a whole lot of notable ads at this point, but ETrade’s “things you can do with one finger” spot was sly.
CLUNKERS
— Budweiser. Crabs worship a cooler with two Buds that looks like a crab. Also, crabs apparently make a noise that sounds like a broken ceiling fan.
— Budweiser Select. Jay-Z and Hall of Fame coach Don Shula play a chess-like virtual football game, which Jay wins because his girlfriend blows away the ball. Creative but kind of pointless.
GUITAR HERO
Five observations from Prince’s (above) halftime show. [ REDEYE ]
1. Prince’s head scarf made him look like he’d just gotten in from scrubbing his bathtub.
2. The aquamarine suit, though–priceless.
3. “Let’s Go Crazy” was a solid song choice for the opener, and the covers of “Proud Mary” and the Foo Fighters’ “Best of You” were pretty cool.
4. We could be wrong, but glow-in-the-dark marching bands could be 2007’s hottest trend.
5. Probably not a good idea to project Prince’s silhouette onto a big curtain when he’s playing a guitar shaped like a … And he’s holding it right around … Somebody call the FCC.
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Smoked out
Could it be that “Smokin’ Aces” actually got Ben Affleck to quit smokin’?
That’s exactly what happened, Affleck tells People magazine. He said his role as a chain-smoking bail bondsman actually made him kick the habit.
“The whole week that I shot, I smoked, like, five packs a day,” he says. “By the time the movie was over, I was so sick of smoking, I just didn’t want to do it anymore, and I quit. I have this celluloid record of the last time I smoked.”
Smokers, don’t try this method at home.
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Bringing it back
The rumors were true. Van Halen will reunite with original singer David Lee Roth for a summer tour of North America. “I am very excited to get back to the core of what made Van Halen,” guitarist Eddie Van Halen said in a statement posted Friday on the band’s Web site announcing a 40-city tour. No specific dates have been named.
It will be the first time that Roth performs live with the band since 1984, when he was replaced by Sammy Hagar. A brief reunion with Roth in 1996 resulted in two new songs but no tour.
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Talking back
The Mariah Carey-Eminem saga continues. “Something is clearly askew with him, and I’m not quite sure what it is,” Carey (right) tells Playboy magazine, according to excerpts on Us Weekly’s Web site. “I’m curious as to why he’s so obsessed with me.” Carey maintains that she and Eminem were never an item; the rapper says they had a relationship.
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All apologies
Kevin Federline has offered an apology to fast-food workers after a group complained that his Nationwide Super Bowl ad insulted them. “The commercial is completely intended for me, making fun of myself and my own situation,” Federline said. ” . . . So, you know, if we’ve offended anybody, I’m really sorry about that.”
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Babies on board
McDreamy is a McDaddy again. The wife of “Grey’s Anatomy” star Patrick Dempsey gave birth to twin boys Darby Galen and Sullivan Patrick on Thursday in L.A., Dempsey’s rep confirmed to People magazine. Dempsey and his wife also have a 5-year-old daughter, Talula.
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Shower time
Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott hit West Hollywood on Saturday for a deluxe baby shower, People magazine reports. “I’m ready to give birth,” Spelling said. “I can’t wait to be a mom and hold this little baby in my arms.” About 50 guests attended the coed bash, which was filmed for the couple’s reality show on Oxygen. Spelling’s mother was not in attendance.
