RedEye reporter extraordinaire Tracy Swartz fills in for Rahula Strohl. It’s like “West Side Story” only completely different in every way. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Tracy Swartz
Evil Super Computer
TOPIC 1: IF BRETT FAVRE WERE TRADED, WHAT UNIFORM COULD YOU SEE HIM WEARING?
This is just a guess, but probably the team he’s traded to.
A French maid’s uniform. Andon that note, no more pizzas at3 in the morning.
Well that’s pretty obvious: a New York Yankees uniform.
Mr. Rogers cardigan andsweat pants — like mostgrandfathers wear.
The Bears — at last your world implodes, Chicago!
TOPIC 2: RANK THE BULLS’ CHANCES OF PULLING OUT THE SERIES.
Sorry, can’t answer. I’m busy watching “Less Than Zero.”
A little weaker than Steve Nash’s nose, but stronger than Michael Jackson’s nose.
Above “world peace,” below “Phil taking down his Sanjaya shrine.”
Same chance the local weather forecast is accurate: Not likely.
About slim to0.015612934 percent.
TOPIC 3: WHAT’S THE ADVANTAGE OF STARTING THE WORLD SERIES ON A WEDNESDAY?
It’s Prince Spaghetti Day!
If Wednesday is Hump Day, that makes Roger Clemens a shoo-in.
It won’t go up againstNorthwestern football,a lucky break for baseball.
Hump day jokes?
It takes that long for the Red Sox to detox from the weekend.
TOPIC 4: WHAT’S YOUR INTEREST IN ALEX RODRIGUEZ?
Purely platonic, I swear.
Just the 3.5 percent annually on his Swiss bank accounts.
Wake me when he strands five runners in a playoff game.
Purely physical.
Less than Derek Jeter’s.
TOPIC 5: WHAT HAPPENS TO THE LEFTOVER PINK BASEBALL BATS?
Let my Mom try one. She hasn’t hit worth a lick this year.
When — not if — the women of “The View” take each other out, that’s my weapon of choice.
They’re shipped to bookies who need to collect bets on “Dancing With the Stars.”
I’m using them to hit Leo the next time we go barbopping.
The wood will be used to make Barbie dream homes. What?
