We spiked the water of one of our Five on Five panelists. Can you guess which one? Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Jimmy Greenfield
Brian Moore
Chris Herring
WHIZZER
Bag Boy
TOPIC 1: WHY DOES CONTROVERSY ALWAYS FOLLOW A.J. PIERZYNSKI?
Because Controversy also wants to beat the crap out of Pierzynski.
When you invite it, that’s what happens.
A.J. hasn’t gotten a restraining order yet.
That’s his middle name.
Whatever it takes to win. Oh, they lost? A.J.!!!
TOPIC 2: GEORGE FOREMAN BLAMES A BIG LOSS ON BEING DRUGGED. WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE FOR FAILURE?
Subscribing to Cinemax.
Jimmy. He’s rubbing off on me.
I’d have to admit failure before I could have an excuse for it.
I’m a dog. I don’t have thumbs.
Did Jimmy say bourbon and hookers? If not, he’s lying.
TOPIC 3: WHO WOULD WIN A FIVE ON FIVE ULTIMATE FIGHTING MATCH?
Stick Figure, because he learned his craft at the George Costanza Ultimate Fighting School.
I’m in Whizzer’s corner. Hey, what did I just step in?
Whoever was least drugged going into the fight.
Intern Chris. He’s the only one of us that still gets along with everyone.
I don’t know, but I can’t wait to get my hands on Jimmy’s bald little head.
TOPIC 4: SAMMY SOSA SAYS HE WANTS TO HIT 700 HOME RUNS. HOW DO YOU RESPOND?
To paraphrase Dwight Schrute, “I have decided to shun Sammy Sosa for the next 3 years.”
Sammy Sosa is the next Barry Bonds, but only slightly more likeable.
He should be elated and content with getting to 600.
Do you have that much cork?
I’d like to hit him 700 times.
TOPIC 5: ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 10, RANK YOUR EXCITEMENT ABOUT THE NBA PLAYOFFS.
To paraphrase Nigel Tufnel, “This one goes to negative 11.”
5, but only because I’m waiting to see Eva Longoria on the sidelines of a Spurs game.
My excitement was gone almost as quickly as the Mavs were, so I’d say a 1.
0: No interest whatsoever.
If Detroit is winning, 1. If Detroit is losing, 10.
