As the second series between Chicago’s crosstown rivals approaches, both the Cubs’ and Sox’s seasons have played out like an action-packed, sometimes gut-wrenching drama. But any good drama needs a cast of quality actors to play the roles (because if there’s one thing both teams have, it’s characters). RedEye takes a stab at casting the upcoming interleague series, including why each actor is best suited to play his Cubs or Sox counterpart.
Will Smith as Derrek Lee
Smith once portrayed Muhammad Ali on the big screen, so it wouldn’t take much for him to pick up Lee’s fighting techniques.
Matt LeBlanc as Mark DeRosa
As LeBanc’s “Friends” alter ego Joey would say, “How you doin?” Just fine, his double DeRosa would say, as the Cubs second baseman is hitting around .320 so far in June after batting .231 in April.
Bill Bellamy as Jacque Jones
Bellamy starred in “How to Be a Player,” which is a fair question to ask Jones, who has struggled at the plate all season and played himself out of a regular starting spot. Right now, Jones is on pace to have a career-low batting average.
Tyrese as Alfonso Soriano
As a singer, rapper, actor and model, Tyrese should have a lot in common with the multifaceted Soriano.
Jeff Bridges as Jim Thome
If Thome would have joined Dusty’s Cubs back in 2003 when the slugger was in talks with the North Siders, he would have been one of the “Fabulous Baker Boys.”
Delroy Lindo as Jose Contreras
Don’t recognize Lindo? The Cubs might not recognize their probable Sunday opponent, who compiled a 3.61 ERA during the Sox’s 2005 championship run, but it has risen to 4.81 this season.
Chow Yun-Fat as Tadahito Iguchi
Iguchi’s gravity-defying defensive plays would fit right in on the set of “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.”
Ed Norton as Paul Konerko
Norton used to date Salma Hayek. Konerko’s hitting under .240. Clearly their glory days are behind th em.
Steve Buscemi as Michael Barrett
If you’ve seen “Fargo,” “Desperado” or “Reservoir Dogs,” you know Buscemi — like Barrett — has a penchant for finding himself in the middle of a scrap. Despite Barrett’s confrontations, let’s hope Mr. Pink doesn’t become Mr. Black Eye during the crosstown series.
Billy Ray Cyrus as Mark Buerhle
If the “no-hit wonder” does leave the South Side as a free agent or through a trade as expected, he will leave many Sox fans with an “Achy Breaky Heart.”
Sinbad as Aramis Ramirez
All ties to the comedian notwithstanding, Ramirez’s .540 slugging percentage will be sorely missed by the Cubs.
Ron Howard as Matt Murton
The “Opie” comparisons have never been more fitting since Murton has been sent down to Mayberry, a.k.a. Triple-A Iowa.
The Devil as Carlos Zambrano
He’s got a heater, just like the Cubs pitcher, and the temperament to match.
Todd Bridges as Daryle Ward
It won’t take “Diff’rent Strokes” for Ward to play himself back into the Cubs lineup. He’ll likely fill in for Lee at first base during the series.
Dennis Haysbert as Jermaine Dye
It seems the erratic Dye changes every 24 hours, which fits perfectly for the former “24” president.
Dave Coulier as A.J. Pierzynski
Uncle Joey knew the Olsen twins. Pierzynski played for the Minnesota Twins. Spooky.
Twista as Juan Uribe
Twista can rap as fast as Uribe can unload the ball at shortstop. Perhaps Twista can get on base as often too. Uribe’s on-base percentage of .277 is barely higher than Zambrano’s (.273).
Bobby Hill as Bobby Jenks
There’s no doubt that when Jenks takes the mound during a save opportunity, he’s king of the hill. He’s nailed down 18 of 19 save opportunities.
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CASTING CALL
We assigned actors to several Cubs and Sox players, but now it’s your turn. Find a better fit for some of the players listed below or cast actors for players or managers we didn’t mention.
CROSSTOWN COVERAGE Series at U.S. Cellular Field on Comcast SportsNet
FRIDAY
3 p.m.: Cubs at White Sox, featuring Ken “Hawk” Harrelson and Darrin Jackson
SATURDAY
Noon: Cubs at White Sox, featuring Len Kasper and Bob Brenly
SUNDAY
1 p.m.: Cubs at White Sox, featuring Harrelson and Jackson
ON TUESDAY
Cubs deny Sosa homer as they edge out the Rangers; White Sox fall to Florida in the ninth.
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