Look at that. It must be Tran’s lucky day — she gets to sit next to Phil and Bag Boy. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: NOW THAT THE BEARS ARE PLAYING AGAIN, HOW DO YOU DECIDE BETWEEN FOOTBALL AND BASEBALL?
Jimmy Greenfield: I follow the team with the fewest torn quads.
Leo Ebersole: Step 1: Ignore baseball. Step 2: Research Jacksonville’s red-zone efficiency.
Phil Thompson: Have the Cubs or Sox been to the Super Bowl? Didn’t think so.
Tran Ha: I remain neutral by watching the Food Network.
Bag Boy: I choose baseball. It’s twice the pain with half the calories.
TOPIC 2: MAKE A PREDICTION ABOUT SATURDAY’S BEARS AT TEXANS GAME.
Jimmy Greenfield: The outcome won’t matter, yet still will be more important than the Sox game.
Leo Ebersole: The Texans will arrive in alternate uniforms: 10-gallon hats, boots and Daisy Dukes.
Phil Thompson: The Bears won’t be able to stop the Texans’ D … because they won’t recognize a single one of them.
Tran Ha: It will be hotter than a bowl of Texas chili.
Bag Boy: The Falcons will be caught trying to steal back QB Matt Schaub.
Topic 3: IF EVERYTHING IS BIGGER IN TEXAS, THEN …
Jimmy Greenfield: … everything is smaller in Delaware.
Leo Ebersole: … that explains why Sammy Sosa went to the Rangers.
Phil Thompson: … Terrell Owens’ self-esteem is where it belongs.
Tran Ha: … they better make room at Reliant Stadium.
Bag Boy: … that settles a question I had about Dallas native Jessica Simpson.
TOPIC 4: THE CUBS ARE PLAYING THE ROCKIES IN DENVER. GIVE US YOUR BEST ‘MILE-HIGH’ JOKE.
Jimmy Greenfield: Come on, I can’t remember jokes — let alone think of new ones.
Leo Ebersole: What do you call Lindsay Lohan’s jogging program?
Phil Thompson: “Mile-high,” isn’t that Eminem’s sequel featuring Snoop Dogg?
Tran Ha: We’ll take Windy City over Mile High City for a nickname any day.
Bag Boy: That’s the only place I’m ponying up for club seats.
TOPIC 5: WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO WHITE SOX FANS WHO STILL BELIEVE THE TEAM CAN MAKE THE PLAYOFFS?
Jimmy Greenfield: See answer No. 2.
Leo Ebersole: Purify yourselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
Phil Thompson: I’ve invited a motivational speaker for you guys. Allow me to introduce … Jim Mora.
Tran Ha: Don’t. Stop. Believin’.
Bag Boy: Lay off the booze. On second thought, it’s a long way to October.
