The Evil Super Computer joins Adam Caldarelli of chicagosports.com. If we haven’t scared you off by now, please sign up redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive. As if ESC’s giving you a choice.
Jimmy Greenfield
Phillip Thompson
Leo Ebersole
Adam Caldarelli
EvilSuperComputer
TOPIC 1: WHY WAS BILL MURRAY DRIVING A GOLF CART THROUGH DOWNTOWN STOCKHOLM?
Stockholm has a well-known and serious problem with gophers.
Maybe he was in Sweden filming “CaddySchacken.”
Because it’s easier to focus the binoculars on Swedish models at 15 mph.
Hey, when in Rome.
He’s suspected of being drunk, which I recommend before watching “The Life Aquatic.”
TOPIC 2: WHAT SHOULD BASEBALL INVESTIGATOR GEORGE MITCHELL DO WITH HIS ‘STEROIDS LIST’?
Hand it over to the Department of Justice and stop pretending he has any power.
Sell the 100 Sexiest Steroids Users list to Maxim magazine.
Make it public. I need to confirm my suspicion about Miss Piggy.
For starters, he could do something. Anything.
Start a boot camp for my humanoid army! STEROIDS ARE MANDATORY!
TOPIC 3: WHAT CAN A 59-YEAR-OLD BRING TO A COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM?
A son who can actually play the game without getting killed.
A performance-enhancing drug: Viagra.
The first-ever injury report that reads “day-to-day (under-napped).”
The unmistakable smell of muscle rub.
Hip replacements for everybody!
TOPIC 4: WHO’S MOST LIKELY TO BID ON BARRY BONDS’ 756TH HOME-RUN BALL?
I’ll bid two bits.
Hank Aaron. Confetti doesn’t make itself, you know.
The baddie from “Casino Royale.” Seems like something he would do. If he didn’t get shot.
Some moron.
I can see myself getting in a bidding war with Satan, Darth Vader and Marc Cuban.
TOPIC 5: LATRELL SPREWELL’S YACHT WAS REPOSSESSED. YOUR THOUGHTS?
Makes sense, since I always figured Latrell Sprewell was possessed.
I guess he was telling the truth: It really does take millions of dollars to feed his family.
How do we know it’s his? Did the life rings have spinners?
Whatever you think about Spree, you can’t deny “Milwaukee’s Best” is a great name for a boat.
He was training it for yacht fighting. Yeah, I said it.
