With houses sitting unsold for months on end, we asked for your suggestions on how a seller can sweeten the deal so that no buyer can resist. If the housing market suddenly takes a turn for the better, we plan to take credit.
Check back next week for the results of No. 257, what to do with your old Crocs when they inevitably fall out of fashion.
First place
We have the neighbors’ work schedule so you can use their hot tub and pool while they are not at home.
— Ed Nemmers, Skokie
Second place
Scatter a few $5 or $10 bills under a tree in the front yard. Casually scoop some up while in the company of the prospective buyer and complain, “I am constantly cleaning up after this darn tree!”
— Paula Matzek, Mt. Prospect
Third place
Advertise the lead paint in the house as a “perfect radiation shield — excellent protection in this time of uncertainty.”
— Connlann Amergyn Myers, Madison, Wis.
Deal or no deal
Winter veterans might appreciate the Parking and Sidewalk and Driveway Special: snow-free sidewalk and driveway, and, if needed, guaranteed front-door parking for one year courtesy of a special deal with Lincoln Towing and some “special signs.”
— Peter James Foote, Chicago
Free goat. Never mow again!
— Dave Zuda, Worth
Extended warranty: For the next 12 months, we’ll come over after every heavy rain to pump out the basement.
— Tom Nee, Oak Lawn
Included in the price: an all-natural old-fashioned swimming hole — every time it rains.
— Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park
* “Includes free evening and weekend minutes…”
* “Includes free Chicago Fire season tickets. OK, Blackhawks. OK, White Sox, but that’s it!”
— Howard Schlossberg, Schaumburg
You can keep all the discount restaurant and grocery coupons in the kitchen drawer by the phone.
— Linus Doherty, Oak Lawn
Offer to pay for marriage counseling as they attempt to remodel this old house.
— Nancy Masterson, Glenview
* For the single-family home: “I’ll give you my first-born!”
* For the condo: “Free set of headphones!”
— Charlotte Malloy-Doniger, Highland Park
A twist on the Welcome Wagon: The house comes with a new “wagon” ready and waiting in the garage for the new homeowners. Accompanying this added bonus is a gift gas card for $1,000 worth of fuel.
— Geri Greenman, Geneva
* Our closet doors have special mirrors attached that make you appear thinner.
* As an added incentive, you can keep the car in our garage. Of course, it’s a rusted-out 1987 Nova, but with a little work. …
— Germaine Doherty, Oak Lawn
House comes with Triple 3D: Domino’s delivers daily, three times per day.
— Dan Cotter, Chicago
How about we throw in the neighboring house too (his and hers)? Sold!
— Melody Gambrel, Posen
* You can keep our large collection of mouse traps.
* We’ll print out detailed instructions on how to jiggle the wires in the fuse box so that the lights stay on.
— A. Nee, Oak Lawn
* A 10-year paid subscription to the Chicago Tribune.
* A recliner, television and a year’s supply of beer.
— Bob Papp, Normal
* We’ll send your kids to an Ivy League college, with spending money.
* We’ll pay for your gas for up to two vehicles for one year. Exceptions: One vehicle for six months if it’s a Hummer.
— Diane Carlin, Green Bay
If you buy today, we’ll throw in the fruitcake that has been in the closet since we moved in.
— E. Nee, Oak Lawn
Promise the buyer that you’ll not only hang the Christmas lights but also decorate the entire inside of the house for as long as they own the home.
— Leslie Pinter, South Holland
* Agree to pay off the balance on the buyer’s original subprime mortgage in 2108.
* Offer to clean up the yard and basement after the next 100-year storm.
* Include your services as a chaperone for all the buyer’s high school kids at their drinking parties until they get arrested or graduate, whichever comes first.
— Tom Patton, Glenview
* Sweeten the deal by throwing in everything including the proverbial kitchen sink and if all else fails, throw in the towel!
* How about asking the First Lady of Illinois, a proven real estate broker, to seal the deal?
— Joe Sison, Aurora
We will arrange to cab you to and from work every day for a year — at our cost. We’ll have our kids come over at least twice a week to take out the garbage for you. We’ll even arrange to have your dog walked daily by a neighboring kid. Plus, we will pay for dinner for two once a week for a year at our old favorite neighborhood eatery.
— Walt Kilmanas, West Dundee
