For the record, wearing a bag on one’s head does not count as a Halloween costume. Join the fun at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
TOPIC 1: DOES BOSTON DESERVE ANOTHER WORLD SERIES TITLE?
Jimmy Greenfield: No team deserves to win more than once every 30 years.
Phillip Thompson: I’ll say yes, not because they do, but because saying so will send Leo into convulsions.
Leo Ebersole: Does Jimmy deserve to be crowned Miss America?
Scott Kleinberg: Deserve? No. Pittsburgh definitely does. Are they out of it?
Bagboy: Yeah, if it’s the World Series of Poker. No, the World Series of Hot Poker in the Eye.
TOPIC 2: WHAT HEROICS WILL BRIAN GRIESE PERFORM DURING SUNDAY’S GAME VS. DETROIT?
Jimmy Greenfield: Get ready for “Bad Brian,” folks.
Phillip Thompson: He’ll be the first knight in shining armor to ride a moose instead of a horse.
Leo Ebersole: He will again use his powers of invisibility to disappear for the first three quarters.
Scott Kleinberg: Not during, but after, when he takes to I-96 in a cape and changes random flat tires.
Bagboy: He’ll use his powers of magnetism to make Bernard Berrian hold onto the ball.
TOPIC 3: ARE THE DETROIT LIONS FOR REAL OR ARE THEY JUST LUCKY?
Jimmy Greenfield: The Lions are the Lions. Expect a Millen Man March to the bottom any day now.
Phillip Thompson: When we start to debate whether the Lions are real or not, we’re all in a world of hurt.
Leo Ebersole: Their only road win came against Oakland. They look more like paper tigers than lions.
Scott Kleinberg: The ones at the zoo are definitely real, but the football team? Not so much.
Bagboy: They’re real lucky. How’s that?
TOPIC 4: WHAT WOULD A SCARY, CHICAGO SPORTS-RELATED HALLOWEEN COSTUME BE MADE OF?
Jimmy Greenfield: Brian Urlacher’s torn cartilage.
Phillip Thompson: Ben Wallace’s hair, Scott Skiles’ scowl, Joakim Noah’s jump shot.
Leo Ebersole: A Jose Valverde Diamondbacks jersey.
Scott Kleinberg: Ben Wallace’s headband, an Italian beef sandwich and a face as red as Mayor Daley’s.
Bagboy: Tommie Harris in a bathrobe two sizes too small.
TOPIC 5: THE BULLS BEGIN THEIR REGULAR SEASON ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THEM?
Jimmy Greenfield: No trick-or-treating at any of the Bulls players’ houses.
Phillip Thompson: All players are required to drive up to the stadium in Rolls Royce Phantoms.
Leo Ebersole: Joakim Noah and Tyrus Thomas will have to save their Olsen twins costumes for next year.
Scott Kleinberg: Their bellies will be full of delicious candy.
Bagboy: Ben Gordon will lead in field ghoul percentage. … Is this thing on?
