It’s the freakin’ weekend, and our intrepid panelists are about to have them some fun. Do you like fun? E-mail redeyesports@tribune.com to join in on Fridays.
TOPIC 1: WHAT ONE WORD DESCRIBES THE ILLINOIS-NORTHWESTERN FOOTBALL RIVALRY?
Jimmy Greenfield: “Local.”
Phillip Thompson: “Laughtastical.”
Leo Ebersole: “Illini-wreck.”
Brian Moore: “Mesquite.”
Tracy Swartz: “Snooze-control.”
TOPIC 2: WHAT KIND OF EMOTIONS DOES BIG TEN RIVALRY WEEK BRING OUT IN YOU?
Jimmy Greenfield: The same kind Arabian Horse Jumping rivalry week brings out in me.
Phillip Thompson: Pity. Someone’s team always gets embarrassed, and I have to coax Leo out of his fetal position.
Leo Ebersole: If by “emotions,” you mean “face paint and a rusty crowbar” …
Brian Moore: Since I root for the Hoosiers, I generally prepare to be reduced to a blubbering puddle of tears.
Tracy Swartz: Aloofness. Why can’t the Big Ten catch the hint? It’s not IU, it’s me.
TOPIC 3: WHO CAN THE BEARS COUNT ON TO MAKE A BIG PLAY THIS WEEK?
Jimmy Greenfield: Brian Urlacher, so set your TiVos and lock up your wives.
Phillip Thompson: Rookie tight end Greg Olsen … which means he’ll be the LAST person Ron Turner will use.
Leo Ebersole: Devin Hester. He’ll run backward on a punt return and get dropped for a safety.
Brian Moore: Rex. I’m sure he’ll throw a game-winning TD pass — to the Seahawks.
Tracy Swartz: Grossman. His Rex appeal grows stronger each week.
TOPIC 4: HOW WILL YOU MARK THE END OF NASCAR’S NEXTEL CUP SERIES ON SUNDAY?
Jimmy Greenfield: Can we not pretend any of us follows soccer, NASCAR or the WNBA? Please?
Phillip Thompson: I’ll hug every barefoot, NASCAR-looking person I see. C’mere, Tracy …
Leo Ebersole: By breaking it off with the NASCAR mom I’ve been seeing and moving on to a PGA nanny.
Brian Moore: I’ll drink some beer, run laps around the house, then punch someone. Voila: I’m Tony Stewart.
Tracy Swartz: By washing my funnelcake down with PBR. (This answer sponsored by Domino Sugar.)
TOPIC 5: HAND OUT A POSTSEASON AWARD TO SOMEONE ON THIS PANEL.
Jimmy Greenfield: Leo Ebersole: Best ass.
Phillip Thompson: Tracy gets the “Capital PUN-ishment” award.
Leo Ebersole: Brian Moore gets the Ozzie Guillen Award for Decorum and Mild-Manneredness.
Brian Moore: Best use of a non-humorous 17th Century pun goes to … Phil. He spaketh!
Tracy Swartz: “The Bundy” goes to Jimmy for being slow and crotchety.
