The best seat in RedEye’s house is next to Stick Figure on the Five On Five panel. Want in on the action? E-mail redeyesports@tribune.com to join the panel on Fridays.
TOPIC 1: WHAT WILL BE CHICAGO’S SPORTING HIGHLIGHT IN DECEMBER?
Brian Moore: Mark Prior dislocates his elbow while re-signing with the Cubs.
Leo Ebersole: Devin Hester will return a record nine argyle sweater vests the day after Christmas.
Scott Kleinberg: Ice fishing on the Chicago River — Skilling says it’s gonna be a cold one.
Tracy Swartz: Devin Hester will start his own fashion line.
Stick Figure: Santa brings us real teams! Yay!
TOPIC 2: WHAT’S THE DEFINITION OF ‘BEARS WEATHER’?
Brian Moore: Rainy, very rainy. Of course, that could just be because the fans are crying all the time.
Leo Ebersole: Cloudy with a chance of storms and high humility.
Scott Kleinberg: Thirty-four degrees and partly to mostly crappy.
Tracy Swartz: Absolute hero. Let’s see some Rex on the reach.
Stick Figure: Trick question. Bears hibernate this time of year, silly.
TOPIC 3: LET’S PLAY ‘JEOPARDY.’ THE ANSWER IS ‘KYLE ORTON.’ WHAT’S THE QUESTION?
Brian Moore: Who should play for the Bears since there’s little chance of making the playoffs?
Leo Ebersole: Who farted, and why does it smell like grain alcohol?
Scott Kleinberg: Who is that guy keeping the bench warm?
Tracy Swartz: Who is the guy begging for nickels outside White Hen?
Stick Figure: What’s the question? Aren’t you supposed to be asking the questions?
TOPIC 4: WHAT DO THE BLACKHAWKS NEED TO DO TO GET YOU INTERESTED IN THEM?
Brian Moore: They could start playing football.
Leo Ebersole: Change hockey, and by that I mean make it more like the old “Double Dare” on Nickelodeon.
Scott Kleinberg: Even if they had giant iPhones on their jerseys … I don’t care.
Tracy Swartz: Fewer goalies. Everyone should be allowed to go puck wild.
Stick Figure: One word: unicorns.
TOPIC 5: WHAT’S THE WORST CHICAGO BASEBALL MOVE SO FAR THIS OFF-SEASON?
Brian Moore: The White Sox not taking a wrecking ball to their entire roster.
Leo Ebersole: Letting Torii Hunter go to the Angels. Gotta give a little to get a little, Sox.
Scott Kleinberg: Not signing A-Rod.
Tracy Swartz: “Rookie of the Year.” Still, Gary Busey would be rantastic for the Cubs.
Stick Figure: Tearing up Wrigley Field. The grass was so nice the way it was.
