Who’s the monster, already?
For weeks, “Cloverfield” has been building the suspense, teasing moviegoers with little nuggets of destruction and split-second cutaways of the big, bad monster lurking behind New York City’s skyscrapers.
Well, who — or what — is it?
All shall be revealed when “Cloverfield” opens Friday. And since its marketing department is taking such a huge gamble by keeping the most compelling piece of the movie hidden, let’s take a gamble of our own and set odds on who this monster really is.
1,000: 1
A giant, rampaging Ronald McDonald
New York trans fat ban make Ronald angry! Ronald smash buildings!
950: 1
Baseball’s Roger Clemens
We’re not saying the guy ever did steroids. We’re just saying he has a temper, and his last employer was the New York Yankees.
650: 1
The monster from “Lost”
Remember, J.J. Abrams produces both “Lost” and “Cloverfield.” Unfortunately this would mean that the “Cloverfield” monster will remain a secret for another four years after the movie ends.
100: 1
A sober Lindsay Lohan
The devastation begins after she finally sees herself in “I Know Who Killed Me.”
45: 1
The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, wearing a costume
It’s been two decades since “Ghostbusters,” the big fella’s been out of work for a while, and the “Cashmere Mafia” audition didn’t go so well, so …
3:1
Ron Jeremy
IT’S ALIIIIIIVE!!!
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lebersole@tribune.com
