The great and powerful Shaqtus is back! And so is chicagosports.com’s Adam Caldarelli. But which panelist is more prickly? Ba-zing! We’ll be here all week, folks. Sign up at redeyechicago.com/fiveonfive.
Shaqtus
Adam Caldarelli
Tracy Swartz
Jimmy Greenfield
Leo Ebersole
TOPIC 1: WHAT LESSON FROM THE NCAA TOURNAMENT CAN WE USE IN THE REAL WORLD?
There are no sure things in life — except Indiana losing in the first round.
Never count on Vanderbilt for anything. Ever.
The skilled players eventually will screw you. That’s the lesson of “The Real World.”
Cinderella always dies
in the end.
If it’s late at the bar and you haven’t sealed the deal, best start fouling with three minutes left.
TOPIC 2: IS THERE ANY SPRING TRAINING DECISION THAT PUZZLES YOU?
No one has taken me up on my offer to be a mascot. They play in the desert, for crying out loud!
Yes — why is it so long and boring?
The late start. Didn’t Bill Murray see his shadow? Or was that a grim Cubs future?
My boss refused to send me to Arizona.
Yeah, sending Josh Fields’
23 homers to AAA. But credit the Sox for living by a Crede.
TOPIC 3: KARLA KNAFEL’S CASE AGAINST MICHAEL JORDAN GOT SHOT DOWN — AGAIN. HELP MEDIATE.
Ahhh, poor Karla. Come give me a hug. Ha, hurts don’t it?
Here are a few nickels. Now beat it already.
She should hope Jordan comes on to her and they make up for life.
First, let’s agree to change that name. Jane Doe is even better than Karla Knafel.
You’re asking me for legal advice? Was Peter Francis Geraci busy?
TOPIC 4: THE FIRE PLAY THEIR SEASON OPENER SATURDAY. TELL US SOMETHING WE SHOULD KNOW.
Cactuses don’t do soccer. I punctured many soccer balls as a kid trying to perfect the corner kick.
The red mist will rise in Cuauhtemoc Blanco.
They taste like burning.
I had no idea last season even ended.
They play Real Salt Lake, which signed one of David Beckham’s man-purses to play midfield.
TOPIC 5: SHAQ HAS SIGNED UP AS A VOLUNTEER WITH TEMPE, Ariz., P.D. WHAT WILL HIS DUTIES BE?
I’m hoping to be on the counterterrorism unit. Call me Shaqtus Bauer!
Probably not in the undercover narcotics unit.
Regulating the hose when the police work with the fire department.
Backup ladder.
Confiscating all pizza from area crime scenes.
