Blow-outs, blow-ups, bleeps and a possible blown hire.
Welcome to Chicago in May.
Oh, the White Sox. Here we go again with the whining and crying, “Oh, we don’t get the attention the Cubs get, oh, they’re always loved, bleep bleep.”
Here’s the deal, bleepers. With your team, as it is with the 29 other teams or whatever it is, you actually have to win in order for fans to support you.
That’s actually how the world should work. The anomaly just happens to be about 9 miles to the north, and, yes, it’s annoying.
So annoying it causes bleeping blow-ups. So annoying it causes you to do stupid things like have a couple of blow-up party dolls where you can add your own “anatomy.”
So far, I’ve used anatomy and anomaly in this column. I promise that won’t happen again.
The point is, shut up. You want people to like you? Win. That’s all. This is Chicago. We’re suckers for that sort of thing.
As for you, Mark Buehrle, cool it. We need those dugout heaters. We don’t need Juan Uribe’s bat, however. That thing hasn’t been used all year. Hack away at something else if you want. Like a party doll, for example.
The Cubs, on the other hand, look overmatched as well. You just lost 9-0 to Dusty Baker’s Reds. Wonderful. I see Rich Hill got sent down to Iowa. He should think about buying a home there.
And the news gets better. The Arizona Diamondbacks are in town, best team in baseball. I smell a sweep.
The Bulls continue to lose while not playing. Looks like the Knicks are throwing crazy money at Mark D’Antoni while we’re still paying Scott Skiles. What?
All right, sensitive subject time. Cedric Benson. I’m no big fan; he’s an underachiever at Walter Payton’s position. However, let’s not prejudge. I’m looking at the photo of the guy on the boat, and he’s having a good time … with his mom.
Happy Mother’s Day, Jackie Benson. I mean, how much trouble can one really get into with your mom on the boat partying with you?
If it were my mom, I know one thing: There would have been a tremendous supply of munchies on board. No one packs for a trip better than Bag Boy’s mom. Happy Mother’s Day, Mrs. Bags, and send money.
