Our panelists have put together something special for their moms for Mother’s Day: the Facebook Fives at redeyechicago.com/facebookfives.
Leo Ebersole, Tracy Swartz, Brian Moore, Jimmy Greenfield, Whizzer
TOPIC 1: WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THE CUBS EVER SEE FIRST PLACE AGAIN?
Pretty good. The Cardinals and Brewers are flukier than a Jimmy Greenfield pickup line.
Never — the Cubs always have trouble getting to first.
About the same as Ozzie Guillen being the keynote speaker at a PTA meeting.
100 percent.
If I were a betting man, I’d say pretty good. But I’m not; I’m a betting dog.
TOPIC 2: A LA ‘SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE,’ GIVE THE WHITE SOX TRIP TO PLAY THE MARINERS A MOVIE TITLE.
“The Hunt for No Baseball In October”
“Bleepless in Seattle,” a la Ozzie
“Sleep-Inducing Baseball”
“Sleepless Blow-Up Doll in Seattle”
“Ozzie and Co. Escape from Guantanamo Bay”
TOPIC 3: BLOW-UP DOLLS AND EXPLETIVE-FILLED RANTS. WHAT’S UP WITH THE WHITE SOX?
They’re living in the moment. The moment shortly after downing six shots of tequila.
I’m not allowed to say what’s up regarding Sox blow-up dolls.
Well, Ozzie, at least, realized Chicago will always love the Cubs no matter how good the Sox are.
Ozzie Ball: Catch it. But be sure to take penicillin afterward.
What? How is this any different from the Ozzie-led Sox we’ve come to know and love?
TOPIC 4: WHAT IS THE PERFECT SPORTS-RELATED MOTHER’S DAY GIFT?
Bears-receiver oven mitts. She’ll drop half of what she handles, but everyone will blame the passer.
Mug shot frame. I sent a few to moms of the Bears.
What says “I love you” better than a six-pack of Old Style and a ballpark dog?
A flower-shaped hot dog.
A TV remote with one button: mute.
TOPIC 5: WHO DO YOU IMAGINE IS THE MOST UNDERSTANDING MOTHER IN SPORTS?
Bag Mom — equal parts understanding, restraint and vodka-tonics.
Donovan McNabb’s mom because she’s always trying to sell chunkiness.
Tony Stewart’s mom must be a saint with all the punching going on.
Any mother of boys who hates sports.
Bobby Knight’s mom. I know I’ve heard him say “mother … .” Oh, maybe he didn’t mean it that way.
