Springers
Spring Training games have started, which means Jimmy’s long, miserable march to September disappointment has begun.
Jimmy Greenfield
Supriya Doshi
Brian Moore
Tracy Swartz
That Guy
What’s the difference between Spring Training and spring break?
You see way more boobs at Spring Training.
Baseball. Otherwise, they both take place in warm places with lots of booze.
Hits. They mean something totally different on spring break. Right, Phelps?
The grass.
Mistakes in Spring Training don’t cause redness, itching or irritation.
Kurt Warner apparently will be available. Would he want to play for the Bears?
Yes, a perfect fit. Get him. Now. What are you waiting for?
I think he’d want to play, period. But he’d need thick skin to play here.
He likes his receivers to be able to catch his throws, so no.
No, the Bears make Jesus cry. Shouldn’t have killed those Saints in ’07.
Only if it means a lap dance from Tracy.
What team is a good fit for Rex Grossman?
State Farm apprenticeship program.
Maybe he should switch to baseball, a la Michael Jordan.
He looked good at Bloomington South.
Team Aniston. Brad Pitt doesn’t want you either, Rex.
Notre Dame. Get it? They stink and Weis is huge.
Which of the Bulls newcomers looks like a keeper?
Derrick Rose.
No clue. But keep ’em or not, I doubt it’ll make a difference.
Salmons. Too good to throw back.
When I look at Brad Miller, I’m just stumped.
None. I’d trade them all for a date with Jen Patterson.
NASCAR’s in Vegas. Whom are you betting on?
Danica Patrick losing her tattoo playing the slots.
The strippers — they’re the ones that’ll be making money off the drivers. Better odds.
Dale Jr. If he doesn’t wreck at least 12 cars, I’ll be out $50.
Kurt Busch or Jimmie Johnson. I bet Johnson is big in Vegas.
Me, to make it rain and light that town up.
