Looking for a coed roommate situation on Craigslist can be difficult, especially with so many weirdos in the mix. (Really, foot massages as rent payment?) But RedEye readers don’t need to worry about falling for the online okey doke. We’re breaking out our trusty listing decoder to help you sort the well-intentioned from the weird. Check out our interpretation of these excerpts from Craigslist Chicago:
Looking for clean roommate
What it says: “The most important thing i look for in a roomate is that you’re clean and respectful. i’m 27 years old and would like someone around my age, male or female. Please tell me about yourself, how much you can pay, and let’s meet up and see if we click. Thanks!”
What it means: This poster is legit, and really seeking a roomie for financial reasons. Go ahead and respond.
….Quiet single lady-HELP keep house clean
What it says: “NICE RANCH HOUSE IN [omitted] WITH A EXTRA BEDROOM LOOKING TO SHARE WITH A LADY TO KEEP HOUSE CLEAN, PLEASE INCLUDE A PIC, BEFORE YOU CALL, NO KIDS NOR PETS, NO PARTYS OR DRUGS”
What it means: “Please include a pic”? What the heck is that about? Do your roomies need to be “America’s Next Top Model” in order to make rent? RedEye thinks not. And what’s up with all the yelling, CAPS-LOCK King? Clean your own damn house. The meaning here is clear: Buzz off, shady seeker.
Roommate needed to share big, beautiful duplex
What it says: “I’m definitely looking for a fairly clean non-smoker who likes pets. I have an incredibly sweet cat, a salt water reef aquarium, and two snakes. (Don’t worry, the snakes have never escaped from their cages in all the years I’ve had them.) I’m a straight male in my late thirties, but I look and live much younger. I’m on the quiet side and pretty easy-going, but I don’t like sports at all so if you watch and/or talk a lot of sports, we probably wouldn’t get along (moderate sports interests are fine) … I’d prefer a female roommate since I tend to get along with women better than most guys, though if you’re gay or at least not stupidly macho you might be ok. ;)”
What it means: Is this dude looking for someone with whom he can share his expenses or his life? Anyone moving in with this poster should be wary A) of the Dr. Dolittle-like pet situation and B) that they are entering a den of loneliness.
