I was fortunate enough to enjoy a multigenerational family vacation. Herewith is a brief accounting of mine. I can’t make this stuff up, so I won’t. Good luck with the quiz.
1. On a vacation where everyone wears swimsuits during the day, which items were deemed appropriate for dinner the night it was cooked in the condo?
a) Stilton cheese
b) duck pâté
c) short ribs
d) prime rib
2. On this same vacation, how many of the family members currently take statins? (Optional extra credit: What percentage of family members will be prescribed statins in the immediate future?)
3. In a single extended family, assume the following is true: There is a matriarch, three adult women, and five young women. If each female arrives on the island with five swimsuits, how much time will elapse before half of them shop for new suits?
4. If some of the family plays golf regularly, and some of the family has played golf fewer than three times, how many golf balls does it take to fill a lake?
5. Assuming that there is a refrigerator in each of three condominiums, in whose fridge will the following items be found?
a) salami, sardines, and rambutans
b) quorn (a fungal-based protein roll) and four boxes of Trader Joe’s jelly beans
c) Veuve Clicquot
6. Given that the board game Smart Ass claims to be suitable for players “Ages 12 and Up,” and given that the box claims that “Even if you’re a dumb ass you can win,” how many matriarchs deem the game “impossible?” (Hint: The answer is the same no matter how many times the rules are repeated.)
7. True or False: It is possible to apply zinc oxide to one’s lips and still look normal.
8. Assume that on seven consecutive days, a three-generation family from Des Moines shares the same shallow-end of the pool as the rest of the resort guests. Please identify the genders of the following grandchildren from Iowa:
a) Keller, Hadley and Tate
b) Emory and Nolan
c) Gage, Reid and Greyson
(Trick question. No one knows.)
9. If one sister is willing to walk at 7:30 a.m., and another sister suggests walking at 7:45 a.m., presuming that their goal is to walk five miles together before it gets too hot, how many of their collective children will ask for a fully cooked breakfast at the exact moment of their departure?
10. How many grown-ups does it take to figure out how to turn on the TV? (Trick question. Grown-ups can’t turn on TVs.)
11. If Person A is reading “Theodore Rex” on a Kindle, and if Person B is reading “I am Malala” in an old-fashioned book, and if Person C can’t find her copy of “Our Spoons Came from Woolworths,” how long before all three fall asleep?
The Answers: Yes, some, a million, no, and who cares? The sun is setting and it’s time for an adult beverage in the hot tub. Final assessment: I’m lucky.
Sally Higginson is a freelance columnist for Pioneer Press
