How do I respond to a friend who requests to bring an uninvited plus-one to a birthday party or to an event at a private club?
For most occasions, providing the request is not made in a presumptuous manner, I would not fault the petitioner for asking. On the other hand, if the event is the sort that features handwritten invitations and place cards, a guest should know better than to impose.
Hosting a party — particularly a formal one — involves myriad difficult decisions, not least of which is whom to invite and who can be left off the list. Saying yes to a rando plus-one is an affront to the party-giver’s actual friends who didn’t make the final cut. Not to mention the floodgates it opens: “If I say yes to you, I’ll have to say yes to everyone.” Suddenly, the host’s intimate gathering of 15 close friends has become a networking reception for 30.
I advise you decline the request in a way that is polite and non-dismissive, something along these lines:
“I wish my guest numbers were not so limited, because it would be wonderful to meet your friend. Perhaps we could find some time next month to get together for drinks? Let me know how your schedule looks!” Chances are, that will never happen, but the onus has been transferred.
Lastly, as precocious as the original ask may sound, consider yourself lucky that your invited guest was thoughtful enough to inquire about a plus-one rather than simply showing up with an unannounced interloper.
I have a neighbor whose kids regularly park their cars in front of my house rather than in front of theirs. And strangely, not even in their own driveway. How should I approach them about using the real estate in front of their home rather than the spaces right outside mine?
Perhaps it’s time those young’uns moved to New York City, where you kiss the pavement in gratitude if you locate a parking spot within 10 blocks of your apartment building, let alone right out front.
Although side streets in most municipalities do not indicate which neighbor gets to park where, common courtesy dictates your neighbors make use of their own driveway or the spaces in front of their home before plonking their vehicles in front of yours. Whatever their reasons may be for not going that route — perhaps they find it bothersome to shuffle cars every time one of them has to head out — their desire for ease of egress should not unduly impose upon you.
Have a chat with your neighbor, sharing your concerns. Among these may be that guests to your own home are being inconvenienced when they visit. Whatever you do, don’t pose the conversation as an angry attack. You might begin along the lines of “I’ve noticed lately that …” followed by “I would so appreciate it if going forward they would …”
Let’s hope the homeowners next door are not of the “It’s a free country and my kids will park wherever they want” variety. Either way, the longer you let this situation persist, the more precedent will exist. Ergo, the sooner you have this conversation, the better.
Mister Manners, Thomas P. Farley, is a nationally regarded expert who appears regularly in the media to discuss modern-day etiquette dilemmas. To be featured here, send your questions to info@whatmannersmost.com and follow Thomas on Facebook, Twitter, Clubhouse and Instagram. For more insights, subscribe to his podcast, “What Manners Most.”
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