Dear Ann Landers: My wife and I are being divorced after eight years. There was never a question of infidelity. The separation was very amicable.
Several weeks ago, my mother obtained my wife`s new phone number from the telephone operator and called her. A man answered and my mother now insists that he is my wife`s new live-in boyfriend. My wife told me in a subsequent conversation that while she has a relationship with this man, he does not live with her.
My mother called me four times that evening, once at 2 a.m., to criticize my wife and browbeat me for not being more aggressive in the divorce. I explained that my wife`s relationships were no longer any business of mine and that I did not want to change the terms of our separation.
My mother became very angry and said she had already called my wife`s parents to let them know that their daughter was an adultress. I told my mother that her behavior was totally out of line and that since she had made six phone calls that evening, I would not speak to her for six months.
In a letter written the following day, I told my mother I would be willing to speak to her before the six months were up if she would write a letter of apology to my former wife and her parents. She then sent me a clipping of your column about children who are unwilling to listen to their mother`s complaints, which was completely irrelevant.
Do you think I am being too hard on my mother? Do you see any way I can discourage this type of behavior?
Steaming in Boston
Dear Boston: Your mother`s behavior was outrageous and inexcusable. I don`t blame you for being upset. Your offer to renegotiate the six-month penalty is, in my opinion, generous.
I have a feeling your mother`s out-of-control mouth and penchant for meddling in your life is an old story. The best way to deal with her is firmly and from a distance. The less you tell her about your personal affairs the less there will be to fight about.
Those dreadful kids may never go away
Dear Ann Landers: This is about your answer to ”Torn in Indiana” who finally found the woman of his dreams, but couldn`t stand her kids. Waiting until three of those four ”loud, ill-mannered, lazy children” were out of the house, as you suggested, may not be enough.
Stepchildren have ruined an awful lot of good marriages. If ”Torn”
expects things to change after the kids are grown and on their own, he may be in for a very unpleasant surprise. Some kids stick around for years. Others return home when they have rough sledding and expect Daddy or Mommy to take care of them. Some who move out spend the rest of their lives asking for, and receiving, financial help from their folks.
You`ve said in your column several times that the main reason for the failure of second marriages is the children. Amen, sister.
A Victim in Grand Junction, Colo.
Dear G.J.: This is one of life`s lessons I`ve learned from my readers. My advice to all who are considering love the second time around is look before you leap.
Gem of the Day (Credit Jim Roos` newsletter, Matteson, Ill.): According to ”Kentucky Marriages, 1797-1865” (Genealogical Publishing Co.), Moses Alexander, 93, was married to Mrs. Frances Tompkins, 105, in Bath, Steuben County, N.Y., June 11, 1831. They were both taken out of bed dead the following morning.
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