OK, everyone knows the Bulls are going to win the NBA championship and in the process be handed their fourth ring. But why? Let us count the ways. All 72 of them.
1. Michael Jordan
2. Maybe then people will stop sticking the 1969 Cubs in our faces. OK, maybe not.
3. Now that Dennis Rodman’s likeness has been moved from the Kennedy, players will make it to home games on time
4. Mayor Daley will make the Bulls logo the city’s official seal.
5. Scottie Pippen and Michael Jordan still have seven more ring fingers to go.
6. Dennis Rodman still has 15 more hair colors he hasn’t unveiled
7. Michael Jordan’s new movie “Space Jam” is going to need all the help it can get
8. Jack Haley just purchased a whole new shipment of postseason turtlenecks
9. Luc Longley is as healthy as he can be
10. A well-rested Scottie Pippen
11. Luc Longley can finally catch a Michael Jordan pass without Jordan firing the ball at his head
12. Dennis Rodman has reached the playoffs in each of his nine seasons
13. Coach Phil Jackson has a new list of books to give to players for postseason road trips
14. The Bulls lost just three times to Western Conference teams
15. Five years from now, nobody will remember the 70 wins if they don’t win a title
16. The Bulls are 45-5 when their bench outscores the opponent’s bench.
17. They have momentum going into the playoffs.
18. Which do you remember, the Bears going 15-1 or the Bears winning the Super Bowl?
19. Randy Brown deserves a title!
20. Did we mention Michael Jordan?
21. The Bulls were 39-5 in back-to-back games this season
22. Now that the Bulls have reached 70 victories, they have huge chips on their shoulders
23. What’s the point of Michael Jordan coming out of retirement if he can’t win another title?
24. The “Bulls Brothers” can get even more mileage out of that routine
25. Take that, Horace!
26. Out of the seven teams with the all-time best regular-season records in NBA history (1971-72 Lakers, 1966-67 76ers, 1972-73 Celtics, 1985-86 Celtics, 1991-92 Bulls, 1946-47 Washington Capitols), only the 1972-73 Celtics and the 1946-47 Capitols didn’t win a title.
27. Lil’ Penny is a better free-throw shooter than big Shaquille O’Neal
28. Has Michael Jordan scored 100 points yet?
29. NBC really needs the ratings. That Thursday night lineup is too weak.
30. Those “Super Fans” haven’t been on Saturday Night Live in a while
31. Dennis Rodman just got the OK to throw his jersey into the United Center crowd after each postseason home victory
32. Dave Wannstedt is not their coach.
33. Steve Kerr has turned into the team’s most valuable asset off the bench.
34. The “Three-Headed Monster” plus a whatever-color headed Rodman at center
35. The “Three Amigos” of Jordan, Pippen and Rodman
36. Gov. Edgar has promised to dye his hair red if the Bulls win another title.
37. Experience
38. The Bulls are a combined 9-3 against Orlando, New York and Indiana this season
39. The Bulls are a combined 7-1 against Houston, Seattle, Utah and the Los Angeles Lakers
40. A kinder, gentler Dennis Rodman
41. Insert your own reason here.
42. Dennis Rodman hasn’t taken off his shoes and stretched out in front of the Bulls bench once this season
43. Two words: Jud Buechler!
44. Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman, James Edwards and John Salley = a combined 12 titles
45. What the heck else is Bill Wennington going to do until June?
46. Phil Jackson’s playoff record is 66-28 in his six previous seasons.
47. Without a celebration, there’s nothing else exciting going on at Grant Park until “Taste of Chicago”
48. Gene Siskel said so
49. Toni Kukoc is more aggressive and more confident than he’s ever been
50. Michael Jordan loves the publicity the local TV stations give his restaurant during the playoffs
51. The Bulls lead the league with a 105.2 point scoring average, while holding their opponents to just 93 points a game
52. Ron Harper really wants a championship ring
53. The Bulls are second in the league in three-point shooting
54. The Bulls won every season series this year.
55. Sox fans can wait until June to officially write off their team
56. So Jerry Krause can take as much of the credit as possible for his offseason moves
57. “Da Bull” needs more time to annoy just about everybody
58. When Michael Jordan and Phil Jackson bolt for the New York Knicks, they can use four titles as salary leverage
59. The Bulls don’t have to wear those darned black uniforms anymore
60.Phil Jackson wants to win one for “Captain Trips,” man
61. Dennis Rodman already has found a spot for his “1996 NBA Champions” tatoo
62. The Bulls are 12-1 when they face an opponent for the third time
63. It’s been a while since we’ve had a good riot in this town!
64. Simple math: they have to win four before they can win five
65. To silence the critics who said they could’t win one without Will Perdue
66. Don’t you think it’s the perfect baby shower gift from Dennis Rodman to Madonna?
67. We’ve already presold advertising space for our glitzy “NBA Champion” special section
68. We want to get as much out of public address announcer Ray Clay as humanly possible
69.If the Bulls don’t, the big story will be the Seattle SuperSonics’ early playoff exit. And who wants to read that tired old story again?
70. Don’t the Luvabulls have more dance routines?
71. The city always smells better after a championship.
72. Uh, did we forget to mention Michael Jordan?
