This is one annoyed city. From the Loop to the suburbs, it is populated by grumps and cranks and kvetchers.
Tardy doctors, all doctors, Dennis Rodman, Diane Sawyer, static cling, weeping wrestlers, subscription cards that tumble out of magazines and anyone who says, “What’s up?”
These are among the things that tick off the ordinarily mild-mannered citizens of Chicago, several dozen of whom responded to a column I wrote recently about annoying things.
“I seem to be annoyed all the time,” proudly wrote Des Plaines resident William Johnson, who submitted a list of 36 pet peeves.
Johnson reported that he is annoyed by “people who say quote, unquote, and make little squiggle marks in the air with their fingers.” He is annoyed by people wearing pants with printing down the leg. Having just filled out his tax form, he is annoyed that “Star Wars” grossed $116 million in four weeks.
And, he wonders, “Why is one door of a double door entrance always locked, and why is it that the one I always grab?”
Most of the annoyances readers submitted fell into one of several categories. The biggest of these was TV, particularly TV news.
Gene from Chicago was annoyed by “every local newscast ominously warning us about the perils that `may’ or `possibly can lead to’ DANGER IN YOUR HOME.’ They find one obscure case out of 3 billion where someone’s dog exploded so they can ask, `How safe is YOUR dog?’ “
Like many others, Paul Clark holds a special place in his annoyed heart for TV weathercasters “who treat snow in Chicago in March as if Mt. St. Helens had suddenly emerged, spewing lava, from the rubble of the Michigan Avenue construction project.”
The English language was especially fertile ground for annoyance.
“Many of my annoyances involve your employer,” wrote Beverly Feldt, “actually, the writing in newspapers in general.” Ms. Feldt’s blood pressure rises at the sight or sound of such phrases as “in this society,” “slippery slope” and “it’s the (whatever) stupid!” Others were equally annoyed by “smoke and mirrors,” “feeding frenzy,” “happy camper” and “Don’t go there.”
Misused quotation marks set Jamie Hagedorn’s teeth on edge. “People evidently think quotation marks indicate emphasis, when, to the contrary, they often imply that a thing is not what it seems,” wrote Ms. Hagedorn of Evanston. “When I see `strawberry’ shortcake on a restaurant menu, I’m tempted to whisper to the waiter, `This so-called “strawberry” shortcake–what’s in it, really?’ “
Fashion–cleavage at the Academy Awards, sheer clothes on the Paris runways and pants with the crotch hanging at the knees–makes a lot of people want to rip somebody’s clothes to shreds. Lipliner, particularly when the lipstick has worn off, makes many an annoyed reader want to sock someone in the kisser.
Children contributed abundantly to adult annoyances, though the annoyed adults tended to recount these with affection.
M.C. Lacy of Naperville is particular annoyed by kids’ questions: “Why do I have to? What’s to eat? Why can’t I? Where’s my (fill in the blank)? Why can’t she do it? Why can’t you do it? What’s to eat?”
“Needless to say,” she wrote, “these questions are rarely asked in a civilized tone or at a convenient time. I am either on the phone, in the bathroom or one floor up and on the other side of the house, and someone, somewhere, is screaming, `Mom!’ “
The telephone causes many a person’s bile to bubble. Voice mail, call waiting, cell phones, speaker phones, cordless phones with bad connections, phone solicitors, long-distance companies–all of these turn the telephone into torture.
Winter that bleeds into spring annoyed many people. On the other hand, there was James Sobel.
“You know what really annoys me?” wrote Sobel. “People who live in the Midwest and complain about the weather!!! Legitimate things to complain about: traffic, tolls, TicketMaster.”
Indeed. Many people complained about those very things.
And, finally, this annoyance from Mary Flammang of Chicago: “People who ask for correspondence but only give an e-mail address. We don’t all have computers!”
