Life is a round-the-clock smorgasbord of the puzzling, the elusive, the bizarre. Today, we contemplate some of these mysteries of life:
Why does the weather in Chicago always turn nice only when you leave town?
Why does the remote control always end up on top of the television?
Why doesn’t someone invent a remote gadget that would allow you to get the remote control off the top of the television without leaving your chair?
Why do you always choose the public restroom stall that’s run out of toilet paper?
Why does the waiter always appear and chirp, “How is everything?” while your mouth is full?
Why do you always get stuck at the restaurant table that thinks it’s a rocking chair?
Why does the waiter never hear you order water?
Why does that waiter hear you order everything that costs money?
Why do you always zip up your suitcase before you’re done packing?
Why do you do this five or six times?
Why did it take six trillion years after the invention of the wheel for someone to invent a rolling suitcase?
Why can’t somebody make a CD wrapper that doesn’t take a blowtorch to open?
Why do you always get stuck with the most remote spot in the parking lot? Who gets all those close-in spaces?
Why do you hate them so much?
Why are the only two TV shows you like always scheduled opposite each other?
Why do you always lose one of every pair of earrings you like?
Where do all the lost earrings go? Into the same black hole with lost socks and sunglasses?
Why hasn’t anyone figured out something productive to do with all those widowed earrings?
Why does your luggage never appear first on the airport carousel?
Why is the person you’re picking up at the airport always the last one off the plane?
Why does your plane always leave from the farthest gate?
Why can’t you get your pantyhose on straight?
Why wasn’t the guy who invented pantyhose strangled with a pair?
Why does the phone never ring when you want it to?
Why does the phone always ring when you don’t?
Why do you lose all interest in a book you’ve been dying to read once you see it on the bargain table?
Why do you want to rent only the videos that are checked out?
Why do you lose all interest in a video you’ve been dying to see once it’s available?
Why do you lose interest in anything and everything once it’s available?
Why does the grocery store line that looks the shortest always turn out to be the longest?
Why do you always pick the grocery store line with the clerk who needs to change the register tape just as your groceries roll up?
Why is this clerk always a teenage trainee?
Why do you wait to get sick until you go on vacation?
Why do you see 15 cabs pass in the distance when you’re walking toward an intersection hoping to hail a cab, then arrive at the corner and not see a taxi for 20 minutes?
Why does the cereal box say 11 servings and you get only three?
Why does your favorite team always start losing the minute you turn on the game?
Why in so many places does hot water come out of the cold water spigot?
Why when you need to leave the house on a rainy day is the umbrella always in the car?
Why when you need to leave your car on a rainy day is the umbrella always in the house?
Why do your urgent business calls get returned only when you walk away from your desk?
Why are the parking spots always on the opposite side of the street?
Why do people always compliment you in front of people you don’t need to impress?
Why do they never compliment you in front of people you’d kill to impress?
Why do you always feel guilty when a cop car pulls up behind you?
Why do you always feel guilty the minute a store security guard glances your way?
Why do you always feel guilty?
