Dear Miss Manners-Lately, the employees at my supermarket have become overly friendly. As I push my cart up and down the aisles, the employees–from the stock boy to the produce man to the fellow mopping the floor–stop what they are doing and say hello or ask how I am. I find myself avoiding these people to escape their queries.
As if that were not annoying enough, at the cash register, I am subjected to a commentary by the clerks on the contents of my basket, ranging from their estimation of which meal each item is intended for, to whether my purchase of plastic cups reveals a disdain for dishwashing.
It wasn’t always this way, so this familiarity seems more a management policy than spontaneous amicability.
This begs the question of whether we can legislate politeness, as it seems this establishment has tried to do, and if so, doesn’t that dilute its sincerity?
Gentle Reader – Trust Miss Manners, sincerity is highly overrated.
It was probably some sincere expression of feeling from an employee to a customer (such as, “Will you please stop feeling up the eggplants and just pick one? How about that one? It looks just like you”) that prompted the management to demand that the staff act “friendly.”
That can be a nuisance, too, although less of one than sincere surliness.
But why must the choice be limited to sincerity and friendliness? What about professionalism? That would include simple greetings and a pleasant “Will that be all?” but not a critique of purchases.
Dear Miss Manners- When my fiance was out of the room, my sister said to me in front of my parents: “So, are you two finally abandoning the fiction of separate residences?”
My parents don’t approve of unwed couples living together, but we have avoided this issue for months (my fiance has his own apartment, but he usually stays with me).
What should I have said to my sister? And how should I confront her now about her putting me on the spot?
Gentle Reader- Remember what you used to say to each other? Wasn’t it “OK, Miss Snitch, watch out, because I happen to know a thing or two about you that you don’t want them to know”?
Well, Miss Manners trusts you not to say this now that you are no longer children. At least you are not. The more mature and least combative response is to reply coolly, “But we do have separate residences” (as indeed you do, even if you don’t stay put in them); and remember never to confide in your sister.
———-
Address your etiquette questions to Miss Manners, in care of the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, Ill. 60611.
