Dear Ann Landers: I thought you might be interested in the humor that circulates over office fax machines and e-mail these days. Feel free to print it or toss it.
David Broome, Phoenix, Ariz.
Dear David: Thanks for sending the broom sweepings my way. I have culled my favorites, and here they are:
The best headlines from recent years (these actually appeared):
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Indicates
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
New Study for Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Red Tape Holding Up Bridges
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Hospitals Are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Advertising campaigns can be just as funny as these headlines. Breaking into the international market is a goal of most growing corporations, but language and cultural differences sometimes create problems. For example: Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American ad campaign: “Nothing sucks like Electrolux.” It was pulled after two days.
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan “Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation” came out “Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead.”
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan “Finger lickin’ good” translated as “Eat your fingers off.”
When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was unaware that “no va” means “it won’t go.” After the company figured out why it wasn’t selling many cars, it renamed the car “Caribe,” for its Spanish-language markets.
Ford had similar problems in Brazil when the Pinto flopped. The company found out that Pinto was Brazilian slang for “tiny male genitals.”
Hunt-Wesson introduced its Big John products in Quebec as Gros Jos before learning that means “big breasts” in French. This gaffe had no noticeable effect on sales. Japan’s second largest tourist agency was mystified when it entered English-speaking markets and began receiving requests for “unusual sex tours.” Upon finding out why, the owners of the Kinki Nippon Tourist Co. changed its name.
Dear Ann Landers: Thank you for printing the information encouraging veterans to apply for health-care enrollment. Veterans can now find the nearest health-care facility and have their questions about the program answered by calling the Enrollment Service Center toll-free at 1-877-222-VETS or visiting the VA’s Web site at www.va.gov. Please let them know.
James H. Holley,
deputy assistant secretary
for public affairs,
Department of Veterans Affairs,
Washington, D.C.
Dear James Holley: Glad to be of service.
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