Dear Ann Landers: Please tell me if I did something wrong. I need to know.
My son was married a few months ago. As the mother of the groom, I was supposed to sit in the first seat on the right side of the room — according to the etiquette books.
When I arrived at the hall, I discovered that my son’s stepmother was sitting in that seat. I immediately asked the head usher about the “mix-up” with the seating. He informed me that she had told him she was the mother of the groom.
My ex-husband died several years ago, and I have been on good terms with his widow. However, she is not that close to my son, and she did not belong in my seat. I asked her to please move, which she did, but she has been very cool to me ever since. She says I embarrassed her, and what is worse, my son agrees with her. He wants me to admit the disagreement was my fault and apologize.
I want to work this out for my son’s sake, but I don’t want this woman to think she had the right to take my place at my own son’s wedding.
What do you say, Ann?
— The Real Mother of the Groom in Atlanta
Dear Atlanta: As “the real mother of the groom,” which indeed you are, you did belong in that seat.
I do not agree with your son, who feels that you should apologize. In fact, the stepmother owes you an apology for taking your place. (I am assuming, of course, that you did not create a scene when you asked her to move.)
Since all this happened several months ago, I hope you will put the unpleasantness behind you and let bygones be bygones.
Meanwhile, someone should have informed the usher who the parents of the bridal couple were. It was up to him to see that you were seated properly, and you were not. That’s where the fault lies.
Dear Ann Landers: I have a problem with my older, unmarried sister. Every time “Lulu” is around my husband, “Ozzie,” she finds some excuse to lean over so he can see down her blouse. What’s worse is that Ozzie never turns his head away. In fact, sometimes he cranes his neck so he can get a better look.
When I spoke to Ozzie about this, he ignored me. I also have asked Lulu to stop exposing herself, but she denied doing any such thing. What do you make of this, Ann? Any suggestions?
— Doing a Slow Burn in Nashville, Tenn.
Dear Nashville: It sounds as if these two are pretty hard up for a “thrill.” If I were you, I’d keep an eye on both of them.
Dear Ann Landers: Thank you so much for your response to “Heartbroken Mom in Minnesota,” who was distraught over her 16-year-old daughter’s breakup with her boyfriend. You said, “If you treat this like a Shakespearean tragedy, she will never get over it.” You are so right.
My first boyfriend dumped me when I was 13. When my heart broke, so did my mother’s.
I appreciated her concern, but in retrospect, I wish she had steered me toward other activities instead of allowing me to moon around teary-eyed for weeks.
She meant well, but it was the wrong way to go.
Tell “Heartbroken Mom” to be sympathetic, and then tell her daughter to move on.
Urge her to go out with friends, do some volunteer work, go on a weekend trip — anything. Otherwise, Mom is sending the message that relationships with boys are the only thing worth living for.
— Know Better in Ohio
Dear Ohio: I appreciate those words of wisdom. Learning to handle disappointments in life can be a major triumph. Victories are easy to handle. Losses are a true test of mettle. Thanks for saying so.
———-
To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
