Dear Ann Landers: I’ve learned from experience that it’s a good idea to check the trash after my husband has gone through the mail. He believes he can tell what is in an envelope without opening it. If it’s something he has no immediate interest in, he tosses it away, unopened. I’ve pleaded with him not to do this because he has thrown away many things that should have been looked at, including bank cards, invitations, new credit cards, community notices — even bills that needed to be paid. I might as well have been talking to a wall.
Recently, I checked the trash and found an unopened letter addressed to my stepson. He does not live with us, but uses our address because he moves around a lot. The letter was from a collection agency for an unpaid bill of $400.
I asked my husband if he had thrown away mail addressed to his son. He replied that he had and asked why I was snooping through his son’s mail.
I was deeply hurt at being accused of “snooping” — not to mention madder than hell for being blamed for something I was not responsible for, such as having his son’s mail sent to our address, which was his idea. And I don’t consider it “snooping.” I am protecting our home from bill collectors or worse.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? — Can’t Win in California
Dear California: I would be ever mindful that this stubborn mule is going to continue to throw out unopened envelopes and there is nothing I can do about his irresponsible habit.
To protect yourself and your family’s finances, you must keep checking the trash. Inconvenient? Yes, but it beats the alternative.
When you find something that needs attention, put it on his desk (or under his dinner plate) with no comment. There are times when a subtle approach can be much more effective than a sledgehammer.
Dear Ann Landers: My daughter and her fiance hired a moving company to take their belongings from Denver to Boston early this summer. They found the moving company through the Internet. Its Web site described them as “professional and ethical.” I was surprised (and upset) that it took three weeks for them to deliver my daughter’s furniture to Boston.
Moving companies have little government regulation, and any mover can set himself up in the business. It is not uncommon for some of the more unscrupulous ones to “low-ball” pricing, charge hidden costs and hold loads until the customer agrees to pay more. My daughter and her fiance ended up paying almost double the quoted estimate, and there was nothing they could do about it.
When choosing a moving company, it pays to go one step further and check the Better Business Bureau in the area where the company lists its home office. If my daughter had done this, she would have discovered many complaints were filed against the company.
If we can save one person from what we have been through, it will be worth it. I’d also like to thank the Cambridge Police Department, Harvard Housing and Security and the students who helped my children. — Concerned Mom in St. Petersburg, Fla.
Dear St. Petersburg Mom: When in doubt, it is always wise to check with the Better Business Bureau. I’m also pleased to know that the Harvard crowd came through for your daughter and her fiance. I have long believed there is something special about Harvard students, and you have provided additional evidence. Thank you.
