We wish you a happy layoff, we wish you a happy layoff, we wish you a happy layoff and a new job next year.
It was bad enough that my husband was laid off less than two weeks before Christmas. But when his company delivered the news by leaving a message-not literally a parody of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”-on the answering machine of his home office, their approach added insult to injury.
We knew that the economy was hurting and that the chance of losing his job was high. He had survived two rounds of company layoffs in the fall, and it wasn’t a real surprise when the bad news was left on his answering machine in December.
And though the New Year usually is a time of hope and new beginnings, the uncertainty of starting 2002 without a job, a paycheck and health insurance made us feel fa-la-la-la lousy.
And we’re certainly not alone. The unemployment numbers are climbing, and the number of job cuts is the highest it has been in 10 years. Since March of last year, the economy has shed 1.4 million jobs, including my husband’s. And I know many families whose main income has been downsized or dissolved entirely, whose plans have to be altered and whose everyday existence has changed on many levels.
But our family is determined (to use coupons), resourceful (I can make a baked chicken last for a week) and full of hope (which is why we occasionally splurge on a lottery ticket).
We may not be able to do much to strengthen a weak economy, but our family can remain strong by understanding the emotional, social and, yes, even positive impact that our new circumstances have on us all.
Downsizing a lifestyle
I was going to get my husband a DVD player for Christmas but decided against it when he got ejected (no pun intended). And his plans to surprise me with a laptop computer were quickly booted.
We downsized our cable, changed grocery stores and scouted out the lowest gas prices, all in the name of budgeting. I now think twice before calling long distance, throwing out leftovers and turning up the heat. Though we still have pizza on Friday nights, it comes via the freezer instead of the pizza man.
“You need to try to maintain some of the important family traditions that you have,” said Ellen Galinsky, co-founder and president of the Families and Work Institute and author of “Ask The Children: What America’s Children Really Think About Working Parents.”
“Whether it’s story time at night or having breakfast together . . . whatever you do as a family that says ‘We’re a family’ is very important to children. Children need to know that some things in their world haven’t changed,” she said.
The reality, of course, is that some things have to change. Darryl Williams, a senior software design engineer, was laid off from Lucent Technologies twice in the last year and has found himself watching his pennies, juggling future plans and reorganizing the family responsibilities since his most recent layoff in November.
“I’m doing a lot more laundry and housework,” said Williams, who said that though he has been able to tackle some long-needed home repairs and spend more time with his teenage son, he worries about finances and expenses.
“My son just started a new private school this year where he’s doing great. For the first time, he’s excited about school and his grades are good,” Williams said.
With his employment up in the air, Williams is concerned about continuing to afford the educational environment his son is thriving in.
But big changes and tough decisions aren’t always bad things, said Galinsky, who suggests that parents can help their children cope by setting the stage with their own reactions.
“Children will play detective and look to parents for clues on how they are supposed to feel about change,” she said. If parents react to the upheaval and surprises in their lives with a positive and optimistic view, the children will do the same.
So what did my husband, Steve, end up getting from me in his stocking? A paperback book he asked for, a newspaper coupon for a free cup of coffee, and two tickets to the Art Institute of Chicago, given to me by a friend. Not only did he love the gifts, but he appreciated my resourcefulness and the fact that I didn’t charge up the credit card . . . truly a change for the better.
Job loss means time gained
There are definitely benefits to take advantage of when someone in the family is unemployed. And I’m not talking about the unemployment check we get from the government.
Sure, we’ve had to cut back, sure we’ve had to skimp. But there is one thing that we have in abundance now, a valuable surplus that will definitely not last: time together as a family.
“There’s an increasing emphasis on living in the moment instead of planning for the future,” said Galinsky, who said that parents should try not to spend all their free time worrying about the future and miss the present moments with their kids.
“It may not have been planned, but it is potentially a rare time to spend with your children,” she said.
For Josh and Jenn Inglis of Chicago, a layoff last spring gave Josh valuable time with his year-old daughter. Josh’s return to work several months later was a reason for the family to celebrate, yet a transition for his wife and daughter.
“We missed him during the day,” said Jenn, who admitted that sharing so much time together during his job search was helpful to her during the day and a wonderful time for father and daughter to bond.
There are other benefits too. Although each family will handle things differently, solving the everyday problems and challenges during a difficult time gives parents an opportunity to set strong examples for their children.
“You are an object lesson for your children on how to manage stress,” said Galinsky, who noted that children will learn from observing their parents’ resourcefulness and strength during even the worst of situations.
Handling the emotions
Part of that challenge comes from managing a bruised ego.
“There’s a narcissistic injury that occurs” when a person is laid off, said David Taussig, a marriage and family therapist and director of Clinical Services at the Family Institute of Northwestern University.
“When someone loses a job, there are feelings of guilt, shame, failure,” he said, adding that anger, resentment and panic also are common emotions during a layoff.
Managing these emotions, along with a family, a household and a job search can seem overwhelming. But just identifying and understanding those emotions are the first steps to coping.
“Parents need to not only reassure their children but also share with them the broad-based plan for the short term,” said Taussig, adding that one of the most important things parents can do to lessen their children’s worries is to keep emotionally charged discussions out of earshot.
“As long as kids see their parents admitting that this can be scary but reassuring them that they will manage, the kids will be OK,” he said.
But should you talk outside the family?
“One of the most powerful stress-reducers is people’s connections to each other,” said Taussig, who encourages families to share their situation with their network of friends, families and social support groups, not only for empathy and encouragement but also for feedback, ideas and possibly job opportunities.
“It’s not allowing your life to be an open book,” said Taussig, who recognizes the difficulty in sharing details during a job loss, especially for men. But he insists that opening up is key to successfully managing tough times.
“Even in the worst of times, family connections to others play an integral role in healing.”
And as far as situations go, ours is far from the worst. There have been several interviews and a handful of promising opportunities. There have been many games of Pictionary Jr., checkers and, thanks to some unseasonable weather, even a few games of tag in the back yard.
There have been more family meals, more trips to church and more attention to the details in our lives that often get overshadowed by the hectic routines.
And though there have been tough days, disappointing leads and sleepless nights, for the most part, we are growing as a family, becoming more resourceful and still full of hope for good news in the weeks ahead.
After all, spring is right around the corner.
———-
Spring arrived a month early for the Cindrich family. Less than two months after Steve Cindrich’s job ended, he was offered a new one promising great benefits and a good salary. The family soon will be relocating from Downers Grove to Milwaukee for the new job.
When there’s no work, there are plenty of opportunities for play
Not used to so much time on your hands? Here are some ideas that can help you cash in on time together with family, using little or no cash at all.
Browse through a catalog: The card catalog, that is, at your public library. Most libraries offer programs for every age, book clubs, story hours and educational computer games, not to mention the CDs, videos and books that you can check out with your card. There are stickers and stamps for the little ones and even special reading areas for teens. And as long as you return your material on time, it doesn’t cost a thing.
Weather the storm: Don’t stay cooped up in close quarters too long. Take the dog for a walk, the kids to the park, your spouse for a romantic stroll. Whether you’re singing in the rain or sledding down a snowy slope, a breath of fresh air and a new view can do a world of good for the whole family.
A quick pick-me-up: Children love an occasional break from the usual routine. Take advantage of the time by visiting your child’s classroom, speaking with the teacher and letting your kids give you their own special tour of their school.
Timing is everything: Take advantage of reduced rates on matinees. Check into free days offered by museums. With the flexibility of scheduling now available, your family can enjoy all sorts of great adventures at a minimum cost for maximum enjoyment.
— S.M.C.
Books put loss in perspective
Find support, advice and resources among the pages of the following publications.
For adults:
“Losing Your Job–Reclaiming Your Soul: Stories of Resilience, Renewal and Hope” (Jossey-Bass, $28.95) by Mary Lynn Pulley and Terrence E. Deal. Through interviews with real people, Pulley explores the emotions and feelings of a job loss and offers philosophical support as well as practical ideas for getting on with and redefining a more meaningful career.
“Try! A Survival Guide to Unemployment” (K-Slaw Inc., $10) by Karen Okulicz. Whether you’re struggling with stress and uncertainty or wondering whether to try a new career path, this book gives practical exercises and guidelines for making the most of your temporary free time.
For kids:
“Mom Doesn’t Work There Anymore” and “My Dad Lost His Job” (Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, $5.95 each) by Mary Kalifon. Both books, published by the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in California, deal with the loss of a family’s main income in both a single-parent and dual-parent family. Simply written to appeal to children of many ages, these books offer a valuable parent guide inside.
— S.M.C.
