Dear Cheryl: My ex-husband, Sam, and I have a 6-year-old son, Luke. Sam just announced that he is getting married next month to a woman he met three months ago. My problem is this; Sam has an alcohol problem, a big one. Sam did the same thing several years ago (married someone after only knowing her for a short time), and ended up divorced within two years. That woman was me. While we were together, Sam had numerous affairs, not to mention many a drunken night. I finally got up the courage and moved on. I am concerned that the same thing will happen to this woman. He can be very charming in the beginning, then the misbehavior starts. I am also concerned for my son. He becomes easily attached to people. Should I warn this woman about Sam’s past behavior? Had I known what his past behavior had been like (I wasn’t his first wife, nor the first woman that he cheated on, there were many others), and the heartache that it caused, I would never have become involved with him.
— In A Quandry
Dear In A Quandry; Be honest. If Sam’s ex-wife had bad-mouthed him before you married him, whom would you have believed? Him or her? Exactly. The only thing you can do is remain a stable, loving parent for your son because with his father, he needs it. And you need to have some families among your friends so that Luke has some positive male role models and sees that not every father is like his.
Dear Cheryl: I’ve been married 30 years. For the past year, my husband has been checking up on me whenever I go out, listening in on my phone conversations and going through my purse. He asks me where I’m going and when I’m coming home, but then he accuses me of lying. I don’t get it. Does he want me to lie? I’ve been told he’s going through a midlife crisis. Don’t suggest therapy, he lies to the counselor. I cringe when we have sex, and I’m falling out of love with him.
— This Is Making Me Sick
Dear This Is Making Me Sick: I think your husband is the one who may be ill. He needs a full medical exam to determine if there’s any physical cause for his sudden change in behavior.
If he won’t go, ask one of his siblings or friends to talk to him. If all else fails, go to therapy yourself. You need help dealing with his problem.
Good luck and please keep me informed.
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Got a problem? Send it to Cheryl Lavin, Tales from the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611 or e-mail Cheryllavin@aol.com. All names are changed. Letters cannot be considered without name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column. Read Tales from the Front every Sunday in Arts & Entertainment and Tuesday and Thursday in Tempo.
