Eve Gumpel married, and then divorced, a man named Rich, only to date another Rich, and then another, whose moniker, of course, became Richard the Third. And it was that Rich she thought was “The One.” Her mom said, “I wish his name weren’t Richard,” a quip Gumpel dismissed as an overprotective mom-ism, until Richard the Third “dropped off the face of the Earth.”
Instead of sending out an APB for Rich, Gumpel, a 47-year-old Tustin, Calif., publicist, decided not to exchange phone numbers, rings or anything else with men who bear that name.
After dating a Matt, two Marks and then another Matt, Kirstan Ryan came to a similar resolution. Today, the 27-year-old says if she meets someone with a first name that begins with an “M” she is predisposed to dismiss him romantically.
Traci Hoch of Los Angeles was interested in three Brians (same name, different spellings) over the course of a year. Then she met a Kyle, one of her favorite names. And although she initially thought the man behind this Kyle might not be her type, she soon fell for him.
Be it David or Kevin, Duane or Kip, names can significantly sway prospective paramours, pro or con. Often one of the very first things a woman learns about a new man, a name can be an automatic attraction or a total turn-off, based on preconceived ideas and past associations. A name can bring back memories of a grade school bully or a college crush; it can make the difference between a dream date and the blind date from hell. And when he has the same name as a former heartbreaker or ex-love, some women say it is hard not to take the name as a sign to stay away.
“I’ve seen this a lot. …if someone had a bad experience, blaming it on the name makes them feel like they have some sense of control. . . . `It’s all the Robs who clearly have the problems, not me,'” explains Lisa Daily, author of “Stop Getting Dumped! All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love with You and Marry `The One’ in 3 Years or Less” (Plume Penguin, $11). “It is giving rhyme and reason to why love is the way it is.”
But, often love has no rhyme or reason. After spending 15 years avoiding men who shared the name John with her ex-husband, Carmella Walker, a 54-year-old from Raleigh, N.C., came to the realization it was “a silly hang-up.”
Karla Erovick, a San Francisco relationship expert, agrees with Walker: “Not dating someone with a name you don’t like or reminds you of someone is an excuse for not taking responsibility for your dating life.”
Erovick says becoming the butt of a few family jokes or being forced to think of nicknames like Gumpel did, is a small price to pay for making a real love connection.
“Dating takes effort and work, but it is well worth it to meet someone special. Since dating is a numbers game, go for it. Increase your odds of hitting the jackpot, despite a name,” she says. “Most people would rather concoct excuses why they can’t date instead of putting effort into meeting and dating people. It’s just plain stupid.”
Keeping an open mind in dating is essential, but when faced with a shoebox full of old love letters from a guy named Bill, it can be hard to find the faith to shower, put on a little lipstick and try again with another Bill. Author Daily suggests a dose of practicality when wondering how much is really in a name.
“If you are going to date for a number of years, you are going to date more than one Mike,” Daily says.
Sharon Caulder, a psychologist, African Voodoo chief and energy healer, believes the name of a potential mate is meaningful.
“The name holds the vibration intended to reflect and energetically feed the soul or spirit of the individual who carries it,” says Caulder, author of “Mark of Voodoo: Awakening to My African Spiritual Heritage” (Llewellyn Publications, $21.95).
