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Chicago Tribune
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1. No getting past it

Thank you, Janet Jackson, for adding “nipple shields” to our vocabulary. Do they make them for goalies? Anything with “shield” in its name can’t be a bad idea for Steve Passmore.

2. Like that will happen

How can anyone top Janet’s performance for shock value? Terrell Owens could go to the Pro Bowl . . . and do nothing.

3. Pressure principle

The Patriots won Sunday without a lot of star players, giving some credence to the Bears coach’s far-out claims that the team can reach the Super Bowl next season. But that’s just the way Lovie goes.

4. What a pair

Shaq apologized for using profanity on live television as the NBA suspended him. Janet apologized for baring a breast, and the FCC is after her. See, these are the consequences of popping off. Or out.

5. Dear Scottie Pippen . . .

We know you must be worried the Bulls may end your 16-year streak of making the playoffs, but streaking across the court during the NBA Finals will get you nada.

Sixth man

6. Skins game

With all of this Janet talk, what does Ivan Rodriguez have to do to get some attention about his signing? With a name like “Pudge,” he can take off his shirt and draw gasps, too.

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Edited by the Sports staff of RedEye