The Westminster Dog Show opened Monday in New York, but there’s another canine competition captivating us. It’s a battle of the pup tarts and their purse-sized pooches: Paris Hilton’s teacup Chihuahua Tinkerbell vs. Britney Spears’ trio of she-a-pets–two Chihuahuas (Lucky and Bit Bit) and a Maltese (Lacy). Sit back and watch the fur fly.
THE POOP
Paris Hilton.
While filming an episode of “The Simple Life,” Paris and bud Nicole Richie allowed their dogs to tinkle freely in the home of their host family.
Britney Spears.
According to a report in Star magazine, Britney’s dogs aren’t potty trained. “Kevin’s (hubby Federline) closet is filled with dog poop,” a source told Star. “Visitors are shocked that Britney and Kevin don’t clean up after their dogs.”
WINNER: Poops, they did it again. Talk about toxic … This one’s a push.
FASHION SENSE
Paris Hilton.
Dresses Tinkerbell in Fifi & Romeo coats with a crystal Swarovski leash. The dog–Tinkerbell, we mean–has also been seen wearing pink leg warmers.
Britney Spears.
On her Web site, Brit gushes: “My dogs are stylin’ and profilin’ because Von Dutch just sent them the coolest little clothes!” The dogs also sleep in their own nursery on high-thread-count sheets.
WINNER: Paris. C’mon, a dog in a mesh trucker hat? Can’t see it.
TRAGIC TURN OF EVENTS
Paris Hilton.
Tinkerbell went missing for a week, setting off a frenzied search. After consulting a pet psychic, Paris remembered she had forgotten the pooch at a relative’s house.
Britney Spears.
Shortly after purchasing Lacy from a Santa Monica pet store, Britney’s mom reportedly drove her SUV into a crowd of photographers, injuring one of them.
WINNER: Britney. That’ll teach those damn paparazzi.
TELL-TAIL QUOTE
Paris Hilton.
“I know Tink and I are a lot alike, and Tink thinks a lot like me.”
Britney Spears.
“The dogs are still having trouble with their potty training. It is kind of bad because we have white carpets. “
WINNER: Britney. The piddly dogs can easily be trained, but a dog that thinks like Paris Hilton will require extensive therapy.
PUPPY PERKS
Paris Hilton.
Reportedly sent “Saturday Night Live” flunkies scrambling to find Tinkerbell a mini-thong to wear on the show.
Britney Spears.
Reportedly bought Bit Bit a $180 steak dinner at a posh Vegas restaurant.
WINNER: Paris. Tinkerbell gets to keep the thong. The steak? In the end, it’s just another stain on the carpet.
OVERALL WINNER: It’s all tied up (with a sequin-studded leash, no doubt). First off, if it fits in your purse, it’s not a dog–it’s a furry fashion accessory. Where’s PETA when you need them?
