When the two leading men opening movies this weekend are Keanu Reeves and Jamie Kennedy, well, let’s just say that we here at RedEye might be making it a Netflix night. But if you’re actually deciding on whether to donate your hard-earned $9.50 to “Constantine” or “Son of the Mask,” we’re here to help. And to lend support.
NOW PLAYING
Keanu Reeves: Reeves stars as a supernatural detective and demon fighter. Tagline: “Hell wants him. Heaven won’t take him. Earth needs him.” And apparently none of them saw him in “Hard Ball.”
Jamie Kennedy: In “Son of the Mask,” Kennedy plays a cartoonist whose infant son ends up with the super power-giving mask of the ancient god Loki. Tagline: “Who’s next?” … to leave the theater?
WINNER: We’ll go with Keanu. Computer-animated demons are slightly less gimmicky than a digitized dancing baby. (And we didn’t even mention the dog.)
CLAIM TO FAME
Keanu Reeves: “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” got him noticed, “Speed” made him a star, and “The Matrix” made him enough money to buy Rhode Island.
Jamie Kennedy: He’s a good actor who has been in some good movies (i.e. “Scream” and “Three Kings”) and hosted the prank show “The Jamie Kennedy Experiment.” Why “Son of the Mask,” Jamie? Why?
WINNER: Eh … Keanu. Money is power, right?
WORDS OF WISDOM
Keanu Reeves: “Whoa.” (Every movie he’s ever been in.)
Jamie Kennedy: “I’m a lyricologist. I can rap about anything. Shrink, shrink. Blinkity-blink. Tried to make me think. Wanna go to my sink.” (“Malibu’s Most Wanted.”)
WINNER: Sigh. Jamie. At least his line was funny.
SEQUELS THEY REGRET MAKING
Keanu Reeves: “The Matrix: Reloaded” and “The Matrix Revolutions.”
Jamie Kennedy: He can add “Son of the Mask” to “Dr. Doolittle 2” and “Scream 3.”
WINNER: Ummmmmm … Jamie. While Keanu was wise enough to stay away from “Speed 2,” the two “Matrix” sequels were so disappointing it actually hurt to watch them.
OVERALL WINNER: There are no winners here. You’ll just have to flip a coin or avoid the cineplex. You can thank us later.
