We recently heard from two men who have been happily married for more than 50 years. They inspired others to share their secrets of marital bliss. . . .
Barbara: “My husband and I have been married for almost 40 years, and although we’ve had some very tough times, we weathered the storms and are enjoying the best time of our lives. We married when I was 18 and he was 20, just before he was sent to Vietnam. I doubt that anyone at our wedding gave us much of a chance. That first year, I waited every day for the mailman to bring me a letter. I would touch something my husband had touched while I read his words of love.
“He returned home at 4 a.m. one day. I can still remember rushing into his arms when he stepped off the plane. He swung me around and gave me the biggest kiss. I think I’ll always remember that exhilaration!
“We had our first child 9 1/2 months after he came home, our second 18 months later, and our last one two years after that.
“He worked full time at IBM and went to school at night full time to obtain his degree. He started at the bottom of the corporate ladder and retired after 36 years pretty much near the top of that same ladder. All three children are college graduates and contributing members of society, all married and each with two children of their own.
“We didn’t have a lot when they were growing up, but we did have a lot of love! I never thought we were struggling, even though we were. I was just always happy to have my husband near me.
“Even though I struggled with many illnesses due to difficult pregnancies, including post-partum depression, we weathered the storms and grew stronger in our relationship and deeper in love. My husband is my best friend, and I can’t imagine anyone I would rather be with than him. We still have so much fun when we’re together, and we do laugh a lot!
“We don’t have a lot of common interests (I love to gamble and he doesn’t; he loves sports and I just tolerate them, etc.), but we love and respect each other enough to compromise. He’ll come to the casino with me and hang out, and I go to sporting events with him and hang out. “Whoever said marriage is a 50-50 proposition got it all wrong. Sometimes one partner needs 100 percent, and the other has to give it. So many young marriages fail today, and I’m always so sad when I hear that a couple married only a couple of years are splitting up. They haven’t even begun to know what a marriage is. A real marriage begins after the first heat of passion fades, and becomes something deeper and so much more meaningful.
“I believe the secrets to a long and successful marriage are compromise, communication, friendship, laughter, love and, of course, passion. To say, after almost 40 years of marriage, that I’m more in love with my husband now than the day we were married says a lot. Each day is a gift, and now that we have more days behind us than we have in front of us, each day is sweeter than the one before.”
Dan: “We’ve been married for 37 years, and we have only one secret. We moved 450 miles away from both families as soon as we were married. Sure, we’ve had our problems, but because we couldn’t fall back on our families, we were forced to work out our differences ourselves. It also helps that we have separate checking accounts and separate paychecks. And any borrowed money is paid back.
“After putting me through college in the ’60s, my wife got her degree three years ago. It’s been a wonderful life.”
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Did planning your wedding almost ruin your relationship? Send your tale, along with your relationship questions, to Cheryl Lavin, Tales From the Front, Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611 or e-mail cheryllavin@aol.com. All names are changed. Letters may be used in whole or in part for any purpose and become the property of the column. Letters cannot be considered without name, address and day and evening phone numbers. Read Tales From the Front Monday, Wednesday and Friday in Tempo.
