Dating is a trying matter emotionally. Consider the financial impact, and you gain a deeper appreciation for why so many versions of the song “Love Hurts” exist.
Take, for example, the story of Matt Miller, a 27-year-old bachelor who lives in Manhattan. When prospects with one woman fizzled after four dates, he didn’t agonize over inferences missed or words botched. Instead, he recapped the romance in dollar figures, down to the last cent ($339.54, if you’re curious).
Particularly maddening, Miller argues, is that while he ate into his news reporter’s paycheck, she, an investment banker shopping for apartments on Madison Avenue, spent nothing.
Some of Miller’s resentment, of course, stems from having a heart disappointed. But it also shows that for singletons, dating is a type of investment. Fail to budget for it, and you’ll just add to the potential heartache.
This lesson may become particularly acute on Valentine’s Day this week. Men will shell out an average of $135.67 each for the usual fare of flowers, candy, jewelry and dinner, according to the National Retail Federation. Women will spend $68.64.
Young lovebirds between the ages of 18 and 24 are likely to pay a little less, the federation said.
But let’s not forget Valentine’s Day is, in fact, one day.
In a survey last year, Yahoo Personals, an online matchmaking site, found that each date costs most men between $25 and $100. For the majority of women, it is $50 or less.
Does dating have to cost so much? You may not be able to put a price on finding true love, but relationship experts contend you don’t have to lose your financial head, either.
– Short and sweet
Surveys regularly show that potential mates prefer a low-key setting for the first date, such as a coffee shop. Even if you spring for frappuccinos and a cookie at Starbucks, your total outlay for that type of meeting would be no more than $15.
And should interest fade, you haven’t spent a bundle. You also can end the date quickly and easily, a priority among most daters.
– Pace yourself
Moving on to the second date, though, it’s easy to let your excitement about a new match overrule your financial sense. So set some ground rules for yourself.
“Everyone has sort of an approach to dating,” said Rochelle Adams, a relationship adviser at Yahoo Personals. “Some are conservative, and others jump right in. There’s no right or wrong way, but you should have a sense of self-awareness. It’s critical from an emotional standpoint, as well as financially.”
Miller got into trouble by always including dinner, and in New York City the average meal out runs $37.61, according to Zagat Survey, the popular restaurant guidebook.
“By being a little creative, you’ll find ways to get to know each other without spending a lot of money,” Adams said.
– Skip the roses
Demand for long-stem roses spikes on Valentine’s Day, making a dozen of the popular buds cost $50 or more during the holiday.
You’ll save with shorter stems or other assortments.
But P.J. Osgood, director of the Chicago branch of It’s Only Lunch, a matchmaking service geared toward professionals with hectic schedules, said one of the most romantic tales she’s heard required no cash. Instead, a man wrote on sticky notes all the things he loved about his significant other and scattered the notes in places like her pocket and car.
“Each girl I tell that to, her heart just melts,” Osgood said. “So it’s not about the money you spend. It’s the fact that you care enough to put in the effort.”
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E-mail Carolyn Bigda at yourmoney@tribune.com.
