1. Little perspective
Seeing a guy like Derrek Lee break his wrist just makes you want to rush right home and hug your own distal radial and distal ulna bones.
2. Trade him!
After scoring at least once in the first 17 games, Jim Thome didn’t cross home Sunday. You’re on thin ice, Thome.
3. Pump it up
In honor of NFL draft week, I’m wearing my Mel Kiper Jr. wig, my Chris Berman sportcoat and I’M TALKING LOUDLY EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A MICROPHONE.
4. Now boarding
No, the Bulls couldn’t steal their playoff opener, but they can still win one. Just convince Dwyane Wade that the next four games are in Brazil.
5. Fantasy football
NFL Europe’s Cologne Centurions beat the Hamburg Sea Devils 20-17 when an orc picked off Frodo’s pass and returned the ball to the Pelennor Fields, setting up a chip-shot field goal.
6. Now he shows up
Tim Thomas had quite a playoff game for the Suns. The Bulls should look into signing this guy. Oh no, wait.
7. Tracking greatness
Barry Bonds’ season totals: 1 HR, 2 RBIs, he’s walked 20 times and cried on national TV just once.
8. Going, going …
The Red Sox and Doug Mientkiewicz agreed to send the ball from the final out of the 2004 World Series to the Hall of Fame. Of course, the ball was pushing for “Mandy Moore’s place.”
9. Getting personal
How dare the U.S. government revoke Soldier Field’s designation as a National Historic Landmark. I mean, I had my first beer there.
FIVE MORE …
… ways to restore Soldier Field’s historic landmark status:
— If anyone asks to see the certificate, tell ’em we lost it.
— Restrict the UFO to night landings.
— Have Butkus “restore” the National Park Service officials’ noses.
— Sell oil-drilling rights to the government (wink-wink).
— Hold Steve Smith to less than 100 yards.
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redeyesports@tribune.com
