After hearing about goats preventing forest fires and border collies keeping our beaches clean, we asked readers to find other new jobs for animals. Top three finishers win animal toys.
For results of No. 204, in which we asked how Katie Couric should sign off at the end of the “CBS Evening News” broadcast, tune in next week.
First place
Hire trained bears who know how to make touchdowns.
–Tom Patton, Glenview
Second place
Elephants, who never forget, can be hired as portable 1,000-gig hard drives, and mice can erase the hard drive if necessary by scaring the elephants.
–Tom Nee, Oak Lawn
Third place
Well-being checks for seniors in the summer could be done by training cats to check the temperature of tin roofs.
–Fred Pienkos, Lyons
More help wanted
Instead of demolishing entire neighborhoods house by house in the suburbs, Chicago should simply employ a cow to get rid of all those small, older wood houses in one fell swoop.
–Katherine Boyk, Naperville
Get sloths to work the drive-through windows at the fast-food places. You know, to speed things up.
–Dan Howard, Lockport
Hire a German shepherd to sniff out pot in your teen’s room.
–R.M. Pinter, South Holland
Assign an ostrich to each of Chicago’s aldermen and also to Hizzoner and his top staffers. Give each one a real sandbox so that the ostriches can emulate their owners by ducking their heads into the sand to avoid dealing with real issues.
–Walt Kilmanas, West Dundee
Cats love to scratch things, so why not use them at blue jeans companies to give the pants that worn, torn look that is so popular?
–Paula Matzek, Mt. Prospect
Real lions will replace those at Harris Bank and the Art Institute of Chicago, adding considerably to bank and museum security.
–Peter James Foote, Chicago
Employ parrots as yes-men for government officials.
–Joe Sison, Aurora
