Karen Barker had read about 50 parenting books and scoured the Internet for child-rearing tips and decorated the nursery. Yet she felt overwhelmed as she neared the birth of her second child in two years.
Like many new mothers, Barker struggled with the white noise of modern parenting, a cacophony of alarmist books, parenting Web sites, relatives, mommy and daddy blogs, Dr. Phil and self-appointed family gurus, all telling her what to do.
“I just felt so much pressure to be everything to everyone,” said Barker, who was already well schooled in child development as a physical education teacher at Bear Creek Elementary in Woodinville.
To relieve the pressure, Barker hired parenting coach Jennifer Watanabe, who helped Barker craft a plan to balance two infants.
“Definitely, I was surrounded in chaos and I think that just getting a little bit more focused and filtering out the noise allowed me to enjoy my second round of parenting and baby a lot more,” said Barker, 32, whose daughters Katie and Megan are now 1 and 2 years old.
Formal parent coaching is a burgeoning industry, fueled by today’s stressed-out child-rearing culture of more dual-career families, longer work-days, and parents who often live far from extended families.
The Seattle area has emerged as a center of that industry, home to the Parent Coaching Institute, which has graduated 75 coaches and claims the only certified graduate-level parenting coaching program in the nation.
Certified coaches such as Watanabe don’t offer quick answers or New Age parenting philosophies. Instead, they often help parents develop their own solutions. For example, Watanabe helped Barker prepare to nurse a newborn while coping with a bawling 1-year-old daughter.
“It really helps you step back and look at all the pieces of your life and look at how they are affecting your parenting,” said Lauren Leiker, who expects to graduate from the institute in March.
Do your research
Virtually anyone can hang out a coaching shingle, and that means parents should look beyond that sign for experience and training, experts urge.
A year ago, Jennifer Kabacy struggled to get her two kids out the door and herself to work as a vocational consultant. Mornings bogged down when her 5-year-old daughter, Taylor, flipped on the television and then resisted eating breakfast, brushing her teeth and getting dressed.
To speed things up, coach Michelle Golingo suggested Kabacy create cards representing Taylor’s duties — and turn off the TV. Taylor would pull out a card after completing its prescribed task. When all the cards were pulled she could do what she wanted.
Once all the cards were gone, Kabacy was stunned that her daughter didn’t flop down in front of the TV.
The coach “helped me realize the strengths everyone in my family brought, instead of feeling like I was always in a situation where I couldn’t get a handle on things or I was scattered,” Kabacy said.
Like many parents, Kabacy was striving for the holy grail of American parenting: work-family balance.
Balance, though, is a myth, and parents can work within their apparent chaos to establish a rhythm, says Gloria DeGaetano, head of the Parent Coaching Institute. For example, she suggests parents add regular events to their rush through a week that slow the family down, such as a family meeting over Sunday breakfast.
While coaches help parents manage daily challenges, they also can offer help with broader issues — navigating school systems, discipline, sibling rivalry and behavior problems — and new worries, such as children’s exposure to media.
Parent coaching is still an emerging field — DeGaetano’s Bellevue-based institute is only seven years old — and parents need to choose coaches carefully.
And remember coaches are not therapists. They tackle parenting issues, but if problems run more deeply, a good coach will refer clients to other professionals, according to Sally Kidder Davis, a partner and coach at Sound Parent LLC on Bainbridge Island.
