Rod Blagojevich is going to prison. Mark Buehrle is gone. And your favorite columnist in that famed music video called the Legend of Kasso frightened readers, who mistook him for some Greek Al Gore cowboy. So it’s clear that readers must get their writes.
Do you think U.S. Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr.
will be next on the list?
Edward B.
Dear Ed — Many are asking, is there a reason why he shouldn’t be on the list? The other day, former Gov. Blagojevich was sentenced to 14 years in prison, in part for trying to sell a U.S. Senate seat for $1.5 million in campaign cash. That cash was to have come from Indian business supporters of Rep. Jackson, D-Bud Light. The House of Representatives has an “ethics” investigation going on, but “ethics” and Congress are strange bedfellows. So we’ll see. Jackson has insisted he didn’t know a thing about any offers on his behalf. But many find that hard to believe. I myself have doubts, and I’ve invited Jackson to an interview so he can explain it.
Could you explain how former Mayor Richard Daley
and House Speaker Michael Madigan
avoid all this?
Terry W
.
Dear Terry — How? That’s easy. As infants they were taken briefly from their families by a crafty white-haired wizard, who dipped them slowly into the magic mud of the Chicago River. The magic mud protected them against all forms of political temptation. And to this day, it allows them to stand tall as champions of the taxpayers, protecting us against the forces of cynicism.
I was leaving an appointment in Hinsdale
and ran into the always polite and cordial Blackhawks great Stan Mikita.
And with Mark Buehrle
leaving the White Sox, my 7-year-old sons who have met Buehrle and consider him a hero ask me questions like: Don’t the Sox want him? Doesn’t he want to stay? My point is, I grew up and had heroes that stayed like Stan Mikita. I know it’s not Buehrle’s fault, but it’s a shame that my sons find it harder to have loyalty and a favorite team to cheer for
.
Jim N.
Dear Jim — Waking up to Buehrle not pitching on the White Sox is like telling us that Lake Michigan isn’t there. He was always there. Inning after inning, year after year. But since we all respected him, aren’t you glad that he’s going to the Miami Marlins? They want to win. And as for your boys cheering for a team determined to win the championship, there is a team: the Chicago Fire!
Rod should have quoted this: I was an Illinois governor / I knew my Constitution well. / Yes, tax and spend is what I did / the people can go to hell. / I worked so hard to buy you things / things you did not need. / It’s true, I lied and purloined / but just chalk that up to greed.
Patrick M.
Dear Patrick — Or he could have recited that famous Kipling poem about the badlands of Madiganistan.
I’m a red-meat Republican who hates the Mike Madigan machine, a machine that depends on voters who don’t think much and love “free” stuff, but for some strange reason, my heart hurts for this clownish dope Blagojevich and a family that obviously love each other. Blago was way in over his head and was crushed like a high school player in the big leagues. You know what I’m saying?
Dan N.
Dear Dan — He was over his head. But other guys thrive like Madigan, boss of the Illinois Democratic Party who picks the judges and draws the political maps and controls all legislation. He makes a fortune in a legal business reducing taxes for wealthy downtown real estate interests. He installed his daughter Lisa as our Illinois attorney general and maybe some year she’ll investigate political corruption. What did federal Judge James Zagel say? We get the government we deserve.
Normally, I am biased in favor of a certain devilishly attractive Greek cowboy with a fat head under a white hat, but when I first saw the photo, I thought it was Al Gore
.
Judi R.
Dear Judi — You’re not the first reader to become frightened. Many told me on Facebook that they were extremely disturbed. But never fear. It’s not Al Gore. It’s Kasso, a screen grab from the cowboy music video going viral on YouTube about the mythic figure you’ve come to know and love. And in it, I refuse to wear chaps.
Greek schnozzola, cowboy hat. A recipe for, well, being disturbing. Face it … Kasso will only be fully realized when you stroll down Michigan Avenue
wearing the hat. Spurs are not optional.
Michael B.
Dear Mike — I promise to ride an ornery, big-headed, stumpy-legged mule like the one my grandfather had on his farm in the village. He named it Truman after the American president. I will ride it right down Michigan Avenue, like some terrifying Greek Al Gore in full cowboy regalia. But only if Madigan, Jackson, Mayor Rahm Emanuel and former Republican Gov. Big Jim Thompson walk 20 paces behind me, wearing those sheepskin chaps, strumming guitars, proudly singing “Kasso.”
