Even now, a few days after the house has emptied, I can still feel its walls pulsating.
That’s what happens when a grandparent’s digs are invaded by a slew of little ones over a long holiday vacation. In addition to the bricks and mortar still reverberating from all those games of tag, hide and seek, Nerf warfare and indoor (ouch) baseball, their presence left a lasting impact, including that broken window in the foyer and a defaced wooden table top that fell victim to cotton balls soaked in fingernail polish remover.
The shattered stained glass will be replaced. But that table will remain “as is” – by choice, a visible reminder of the fun we had turning the kitchen into a full-service salon.
There are other precious mementos left behind, as well. Besides fingerprints and random socks, I’ve collected Matchbox cars, action figures, hair bows and Nike footwear … all of which I’m finding in the most unexpected places as I gradually set about putting the house back in order.
For eight boisterous days our home was a cross between Gymboree and Top Golf, with a constant stream of grandkids running through the halls and up and down stairs that forced me to do something I’ve not done in an awful long time.
Unplug. From emails. Phone calls. Voice mails. Social media.
It was weird. And it was wonderful … at least once I got past the guilt. News still happens and life goes on outside the cocoon of family that I deliberately and deliciously wrapped myself in over the holiday. So I should not have been surprised at how hard it was to disconnect. Disregarding an incoming email, I realized, was darn similar to denying myself that last piece of dark chocolate wrapped around pecans and caramel.
And yet, the longer I ignored my phone, iPad and computer, the more liberated I felt. I’ll admit, the first 48 hours took real effort. But after the fourth day of creating make-believe smoothies and spaghetti in the playroom’s plastic kitchen, I realized the real world was not coming to an end.
One more thing: The more time I spent powered-down, the more I noticed other adults with their faces in their phones.
Even as we complain about children overusing technology, parents are equally if not more guilty, says Nina Mounts, professor of psychology at Northern Illinois University. And so, the question becomes: How do we expect kids to disconnect more, when the people they are supposed to be modeling can’t seem to unplug?
“It’s an interesting issue,” added Mounts, a parenting expert and mother of four who now deliberately puts her phone in a hard-to-reach place when her kids get home from school. And while “there’s not been a lot of data” compiled on how this affects a child’s development, she expects that to change as we become more attached, emotionally and physically, to our gadgets.
It’s not just a matter of addressing a child’s needs, it’s also about behavior control, she said. If a mom wrapped up in her Facebook posts is not paying attention to how her kids are interacting with others, things can quickly get out of control.
I saw that up close at a crowded indoor play park in St. Charles over the holiday where too many adults had their eyes on their phones rather than their kids, and later, at a Yorkville restaurant, where a mom lifted her eyes from her phone only once … when she asked if her three small children were finished eating. They weren’t. So she went back to her gadget until they started throwing food and punches at each other.
I’m not trying to be judgmental in my old age. But that’s one of the upsides of this grandparenting gig: We tend to have the luxury of picking and choosing our time with the little ones while, in hindsight, also realizing how precious and fleeting those moments are when kids actually want us to pay attention to them.
And yes, I’m as guilty as the next. In the past I’ve gone to check my inbox just when a little voice is asking to play rock, paper, scissors. The next thing I know, I’m engaged in a string of replies while that little voice has gone off to play with someone or something else.
And whatever magical moment I could have created was lost to an email that would have waited until Monday.
