This is the latest installment, and close to the last, of my four-year rhyming chronicle of the presidency of Donald Trump, based, as always, on his words and acts.
IT AIN’T OVER TIL IT’S OV …
I’ll never, ever say I lost
That’s cause I never lose
No matter what the voters say
No matter who they choose.
.
‘Cause losing is a loser’s game
And winning’s what I do
No matter how electors vote
Despite the lies they spew.
________
The Chicago Tribune publishes a variety of columnists. Columns are opinion content that reflect the views of the writers and not necessarily the Chicago Tribune
________
Six weeks ago — the good old days —
It was Election Day
The day I won a landslide, folks,
No matter what they say.
.
And since that day I’ve fought this theft
A hero waging war!
I’ll never give my White House up
Hey, losing’s for Al Gore.
.
Lifts TV remote, punches button.
.
I sit here at my battle post
In front of my TV
I’m gonna switch the channel, folks,
Cause Fox abandoned me.
.
I get the news from Newsmax now
They’re not afraid of truth
They know that there was widespread fraud
Inside the voting booth.
.
They know that I’m no loser,
That the Deep State’s run amok
They know that they’ll get super rich
By saying lib’rls suck.
.
They feed my friends and allies
With a diet full of fear …
Oh, sorry, what’s this in my eye?
Oh, could it be a tear?
.
For weeks my allies cheered me
Led by Rudy and his goons
The Greatest TV Show on Earth!
A cast of clowns and loons.
.
The GOP stood by my side
Right to the highest court
I really thought I’d win it there
It was my last resort.
.
Et tu, Ms. Coney Barrett?
Oh, et tu, young Brett and Neil?
I named you so you’d help me
Yet you will not help me steal?
.
The “college” of “electors” met —
“Elector” equals “cheat” —
A college full of honest men
Would know I can’t be beat.
.
Those Texans stood beside me, tho,
Until the very last
Alas, their votes were not enough
When all the dice were cast.
.
And so I sit here fighting —
Meaning tweeting up a storm —
THIS FAKE ELECTION CANNOT STAND! —
Defying ev’ry norm.
.
The country’s new fake president
He gave a lying speech
He said I’ve flouted rule of law —
He’s just Obama’s leech.
.
He talked about the COVID dead
As if I were to blame
In fact, when truth is told you’ll see
I won the COVID game!
.
Switches back to Fox.
.
But now the walls are closing in
I can’t believe it’s done
Et tu, old Mitch McConnell?
Even you say Biden won?
.
Et tu, dear Comrade Putin?
Even you are hailing Joe?
I thought that we were soul mates, Vlad,
I thought you were my bro.
.
Sniffles.
.
I’ve heard it said that I’m depressed
Some say that I’ve gone nuts
They call me Lear, the raving king
But what I’ve got is guts!
.
Got guts to stoke supporters’ fears
And guts to tell a lie
And guts to hope my biggest fans
Are set to fight and die.
.
And guts to keep resisting
And to keep up this charade
Cause if I leave I’ll never get
Another huge parade.
.
The evil’s all around me now
This theft has gone so far
At least I’ve rid myself of pests —
Like weas’lly William Barr.
.
Barr said that there’s no widespread fraud
He really let me down
And so did my elections chief —
Chris Krebs, that lying clown.
.
Sighs.
.
The White House tree is shining bright
And Christmas Eve is near
So here’s my wish to Santa — Please!
I want to stay right here!
.
Yes, all I want for Christmas
Is for you to say I won!
And then I’ll get to keep my house
This power is such fun!
.
Nods off. Jerks awake.
.
But Rudy’s got the ‘rona now
And I could use a nap
Perhaps I should get packing soon —
Hey, where’s that Bubble Wrap?
