As the American public emerges from its pandemic cocoon, recent articles in the Tribune show that we are a changed society (“The loneliness epidemic and where it comes from,” July 5, and “Illustrating isolation,” July 14).
In order for us to push through these challenges, it’s helpful to name what we’ve all been through — “proximity deprivation” — or the inability to be close to significant others. Proximity deprivation will no doubt color the way we all see the world for the next several weeks, months and years.
Human beings are distinguished from the rest of the animal world by the nature of our brain activity and our reliance on others. The large size of our brain is thought to have been shaped due to our need for cooperation in groups to compete for resources that are essential to survival and reproduction. We can state with certainty that our interdependence, both for our biological survival and emotional well-being,continues to shape our destiny today.
But for many of us this vital capacity has atrophied or been lost in the absence of that connection. The pandemic forced us to isolate ourselves from each other. Face masks, social distancing, frequent hand-washing and avoidance of shaking hands, all reinforced the sense of isolation. Zoom, FaceTime and other technological mediums stepped in to mitigate the separation — but at a cost. Lost were the intimacy and immediacy of interaction. We could neither see nor touch each other, with our visual range hampered by the use of these alternative communications.
As COVID-19 began taking our friends and relatives, seemingly at random, we found ourselves in an existential crisis of profound uncertainty. For most of us, being in an overlapping network of relationships helps us feel safe. Human contact is a necessary psychological nutrient. When we are deprived of such contact the mind/brain/body reacts as if being starved and each of us has our own vulnerabilities and reactions to this condition.
A state of malaise, which is an overall feeling of discomfort and lack of well-being, can initiate this process, followed by fatigue — extreme tiredness and lack of energy or motivation for everyday activity — leading to clinical depression. Extreme interpersonal impoverishment of this capacity can result in death. Isolation and loneliness also significantly contribute to mental health issues.
Some solace can be taken in the good news that “proximity deprivation” can be reversed if caught soon enough, with healthy doses of nurturing, love and meaningful interaction. We need close contact with significant others in meaningful relationships.
I advise my clients who are grappling with “proximity deprivation” to double down and reinvest in friendships. Our significant friendships can be our lifeline to recovery. This is a journey we can all take in the months ahead.
Proximal deprivation and its negative effects on the mind are very real. If we can address proximity deprivation early enough through heightened awareness and psychological self-reflection we can reverse this state of mind so we are not forever changed by the pandemic into connection-starved beings.
Harold K. Bendicsen is a clinical social worker and adjunct professor at Loyola University Chicago School of Social Work.
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