”She`s here, she`s lovely, and she`s going to change my life,” writes Mike Nichols of the Ft. Worth Star-Telegram, as he contemplates the ”high priestess unhexing doll” he bought through an ad in a tabloid.
The advertiser, Mystical Wizard Gifts, said its ”Haitian voodoo doll”
would ”dismiss any evil spell or curse cast upon you.” The doll is 8 inches tall, wears a tiny dress, tiny hat and tiny sensible shoes.
”I`ve long suspected that my life is bedeviled by evil spells and curses,” writes Nichols. ”That would explain why doorknobs come off in my hand, why my bathtub is filled with neither cash nor Jane Pauley.”
He then describes some chilling scenarios, each suggestive of an evil spell:
”While putting on your new contact lenses you scratched your cornea. As you stumbled through the house half-blinded, you broke a Ming vase, stubbed your toe and knocked over the aquarium, allowing a piranha to eat your dog and 2 yards of carpet.
”Burglars recently broke into your home and stole half your cash, your jewelry, your VCR and a gift from your Uncle Al: a unique grandfather clock that every hour on the hour shrieks expletives from around the world. . . . The very next night the burglars broke in again, stole the rest of your cash and returned the clock.”
Evidence of a curse can be less overt. So Nichols advises periodic review of events gone slightly askew:
”Has anyone ringed your bed with dirt from a graveyard lately? At a restaurant, has a waiter recommended eye of newt or toe of frog? Has a witch doctor come to your door?
”Witch doctors,” Nichols warns, ”assume many forms. Sometimes they wear bones and skins and shake a shrunken head at you; sometimes they wear polyester and try to sell you insurance.”
Alas, Nichols` unhexing doll appears to be a slow starter. After a month, his bathtub is a long way from being filled. ”If nothing happens in the next week or so,” he writes, ”I`ll have to buy a smaller bathtub. Or a bigger doll.”
