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There’s talk that Illinois coach Bill Self has a no-cost out clause in his contract just in case a big-time job in the South opened up, like, say, Arkansas.

“There is no out clause,” Illinois athletic director Ron Guenther said firmly. “There’s a damage clause (that Self or the school that hires him would have to pay). It’s significant.”

Self has three years left on his contract.

“He’s not going anywhere,” Guenther said. “Of course, I said that about [Lon] Kruger too.”

When you think about it, Alcorn State and Siena got bigger play than, say, Illinois. The play-in game between the 64th and 65th seeds played on a nationwide broadcast on ESPN, while Illinois-San Diego State was a regional act Friday on CBS.

The NCAA gave another conference an automatic berth, so it added a game, which brought in more money for the NCAA on top of the $6 billion deal it signed with CBS. And then there is the screwy way the NCAA set up the brackets in an effort to sell more $150 tickets.

The guys who actually do the playing, of course, get none of the cash, but some of these student-athletes that the NCAA is so concerned about will be away from classes for four straight weekends.

Get out the Haz-mat suits.

No fair that Tampa Bay signs quarterback Rob Johnson after leaving the Bears’ division.

Teams play the Bulls as if they have no respect for them, which is what happens when your coach is your best post defender.

What does a quality NBA free agent think when a guy Jerry Krause traded for has to lecture a couple of guys Krause drafted about playing hard?

Let me get this right: The guy who once made Mark Randall a first-round pick recently scouted Yao Ming.

I see where Charles Oakley still is ripping Tim Floyd. Quick, someone tell Charlie Championship that Floyd has as many rings as he does.

All this talk about the Cubs bringing in a closer to replace the brittle and balky Tom Gordon presupposes they have the middle relief to make that guy matter.

Cubs rookie second baseman Bobby Hill said, “There’s a lot of tradition here.” Smart kid. Notice he didn’t say good tradition.

Cubs management wants pitching sensation Mark Prior to start the season in the minors so he can get some seasoning. It also allows them to finagle his service time to buy an extra year before he hits arbitration and free agency. Probably just a coincidence.

Cubs President and general manager Andy MacPhail refuses to pay $5 million for a closer who had 43 saves last year. Then he is named to baseball’s bargaining team, which traditionally tries to cut a deal so it won’t have to pay the players so much. Connect the dots, people.

Which was tackier: The supposed Sammy Sosa-Barry Bonds spat or the breathless reporting like it was the Gaza Strip? Discuss.

The White Sox cut Julio Ramirez last week, and the more you think about it, the more you conclude he was a big reason for killing their playoff hopes last April. His speed and defense intrigued manager Jerry Manuel and GM Kenny Williams, so he made the team and was a symbol for the flexibility the small-market Sox were seeking.

But here’s the deal: Ramirez never hit, couldn’t hit, and the lesson for Williams is not to give Manuel that flexible a roster. Manuel toys with everything he has, which is fine up to a point. After that, you have Jose Valentin playing third base, second base, shortstop, center field, tight end and goalie. Or Jeff Liefer at first, third, right and midfielder. Or Ramirez clogging up a division-winning lineup that never seemed to have a set batting order until June.

Look, I think Manuel is terrific. I just don’t want him to have a roster he can treat like Legos.

The headline said Frank Thomas would make an “appearance” at first base, like he was a guest host or something.

Darryl Strawberry and Jayson Williams–now there’s a party.

If Rick Majerus can convince kids to go to Utah to play basketball, he certainly can convince them to come to Bill Bradshaw’s Superfund site on Belden Avenue.

By the way, Joey Meyer had a winning percentage of .444 in his last five years at DePaul. Pat Kennedy, the man Bradshaw hired to replace him, had a five-year winning percentage of .441.

Mike Tyson had to go through a licensing hearing in Washington. Usually people of questionable backgrounds in that city are simply elected.

Magic coach Doc Rivers, on the Heat’s playoff chances: “They’re not in the casket yet, although I wouldn’t mind seeing them there.”