Lisa Concepcion Giassa is married but doesn’t want children. She says women who try to have it all–a career and a family–shortchange both, burden colleagues, then want a pat on the back.
“`Look at me,'” she said in a mocking sing-song, “`I’m mother, I’m worker.’
“I don’t feel any sympathy toward them at all. Why should it matter to me if they feel stressed out?” asked Giassa, 31, of Bogota, N.J., who, oddly enough, does public relations at Prentice Hall Press for books about parenting and work issues.
“I don’t think they get special privileges, I know they do. They come in at 10 and leave at 2. Try to include them in on a conference call and kids are screaming. It makes the other people feel slighted. And you’re giving me problems because I have to take the dog to the vet. In my world, this is family.”
Giassa’s mommy resentment will sound mean-spirited to some people, but others may be nodding in agreement. Though they seldom come right out and say it, employees can harbor negative feelings when one group appears to receive benefits and others do not.
Perhaps working moms get special privileges in your country, excuse me, company, but that is not the experience of the majority in the U.S.
“This backlash against working parents is really misguided,” said Heather Boushey, an economist for the Economic Policy Institute in Washington. “Americans in general, whether they have children are not, do not get enough paid time off.”
A recent study by the institute shows that working mothers have the least flexible hours and are not earning more for working more rigid hours. Motherhood can reduce job tenure, work experience and promotability, all of which impact earnings, said Elaine McCrate, an economist and professor at the University of Vermont who wrote the institute’s study, “Mothers in a Double Bind.”
Sometimes, though, perceptions speak louder than facts.
“It seems like I’m leaving early, but are you here when I get in early?” asked Kimetha Firpo, a mother of three from Oak Park and co-president of the Center for Designing Work Wisely, a Washington-based nonprofit research and advocacy group. “It’s easy for people to assume all these fabulous things are happening.”
Firpo says she understands why single people without children feel ignored as a group. But well-designed work-life programs are no longer just about children “but about people who want to have a life outside of work.”
Part-time work, compressed schedules, job sharing, telecommuting and other accommodations aren’t parents-only benefits, said Jennifer Sweeney, public policy director for Washington-based Business and Professional Women USA, an advocacy group.
“We shouldn’t be pitting mothers against non-mothers and fathers against non-fathers,” Sweeney said. “That says a lot about business in general. (The idea is that) the only way to succeed in the workforce is to not have any outside obligations.”
But everyone does have obligations on any given day, be it a child, a pet, an ailing parent or an eye exam. The reason you need flexibililty shouldn’t matter, Firpo said.
But success shouldn’t be about who makes the most sacrifices, either. This perception is one reason some people are afraid to take advantage of flexible schedules.
“Many employees aren’t using these perks as much as they’d like because they believe these perks will hinder them down the line,” Sweeney said.
If that’s the culture where you work, that’s unfortunate. But if you’re childless and feel chained to your desk, blame your employer — or blame yourself. But don’t blame mommy.
