Tom Fink had never matted a photo before, much less created a scrapbook page.
“I’m not an arts-and-crafts type of guy,” he said.
But a half-hour after the first scrapbooking-as-grief therapy session started, the Batavia resident was expertly arranging photos of a Hawaiian vacation he took with his son, Robert–five months before the 12-year-old died of leukemia in 2004.
In one picture, Robert is beaming while giving a thumbs-up from the pilot’s seat of a Boeing 777.
“You never get over losing a child,” Fink said as he pondered where to put three other photos on the 12-by-12 page. “But scrapbooking your memories is a good way to work through it because it keeps the connection going between you [and your child]. While the memories are always going to be bittersweet, this is helping me concentrate on the good parts instead of the pain.”
Counselor Cheryl Kainz organized the session, held by The Scrap Shack scrapbooking store in St. Charles, after employees at Conley Funeral Home of Elburn began making scrapbook-style photo displays for clients’ funerals. The funeral home sponsors the free bereavement support groups.
“When someone passes away, the family often gives us pictures of him or her to display at the services. We used to just put them up on ribbon boards, but that looked so unattractive that we started scrapbooking them,” Kainz said.
“The scrapbook displays pleased the families so much that I thought actually making pages might help people work through their grief. After somebody dies, pictures and memories are all you have left, so it’s comforting to know you’ve preserved them for safekeeping.”
Conley employee Teri Auberg was surprised at how much she enjoyed making scrapbook pages to commemorate father-in-law Donald Auberg, who died recently.
“I came here mainly to try what I’m recommending to other people [as a grief therapy tool] and to learn how so I can help more with the funeral displays,” she said.
“But it gives you a real sense of accomplishment because you’ve designed and created something tangible to honor your loved one. My father-in-law was an extremely inspirational man to me, so it feels really good to illustrate how he influenced his grandchildren.”
For Elgin resident Judy Peterson, scrapbooking offered a way to chronicle lives that most people don’t even recognize. She began making pages after her first second-trimester miscarriage and continued scrapbooking through three more.
“I started when I lost my daughter, Lucy Ann, because I had to put everything in one place so I could pull it out when my heart needed it but didn’t have to see it all the time,” said Peterson, a pastor associated with Evangelical Covenant Church in Elgin. “My pages look a lot better now because, unfortunately, I’ve had so much practice. But I’m happy to serve as an advocate for the healthy process of grief.”
Even Scrap Shack instructor Bethany Denton, who designed the pre-made templates and led the session, found an unexpected outlet for grief.
“My mother-in-law, who was also my best friend, died unexpectedly in December, and I’ve been scrapbooking her life so my 14-month-old twins will know who she was,” said the Cortland resident. “I thought it was helping me just because she and I did scrapbooking together, but I see that it’s really helping people here tonight.”
A second scrapbooking grief therapy session is tentatively scheduled this fall.
