NASCAR has been a bit down on its luck lately, what with sinking TV ratings, sparsely attended races and that whole throwing-beer-at-Jeff-Gordon incident a few weeks back. We asked you what the sport could do to boost its flagging popularity. We hope the NASCAR execs are reading.
For the results of No. 240, the next hot acronym, check this space next week.
First place
Eliminate the “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” entrance exam.
— Mitch Schoenfeld, Glencoe
Second place
“Dancing With the Cars” — perhaps a choreographed motor-ballet is in order.
— Fadi Shihadeh, Downers Grove
Third place
NASCAR needs to go green with the “Al Gore 500,” where drivers carpool in stock hybrids reaching speeds up to 30 m.p.h. The carbon offset is the wind generated from Dale Earnhardt Sr. turning over in his grave.
— Chris Miksanek, Rochester, Minn.
Hottest ticket in town
To boost TV ratings, NASCAR could use the “CSI” prefix.
— Kathleen Gerage, Chicago
To increase confidence in the integrity of NASCAR, drivers should use their sponsor’s products while racing, like Winston, Cheerios, M&Ms, Budweiser, Miller Lite, Viagra, etc.
— Tom Nee, Oak Lawn
Train race horses to pull the cars around the track. That way we can combine NASCAR with the Kentucky Derby for CARKY.
— Jan Schippits, Elmhurst
The stands will be filled again as NASCAR introduces professional jaywalkers who cross the track periodically during races.
— E. Nee, Oak Lawn
“Free orthodontic exam night”? No. “Free encyclopedia night”? Heck no. “Free beer and bullets night”? Now yer talkin’.
— Dave Zuda, Worth
* NASCAR tracks should have jump ramps and 360-degree loops like Hot Wheels tracks.
* To attract young gamers with the attention span of fruit flies, NASCAR introduces the Nintendo 5-mile race.
— A. Nee, Oak Lawn
To boost attendance, post 65 m.p.h. speed limits, give the cars a 1-minute head start, then release 10 police cars to catch, curb and ticket them.
— Jim Dahle, Elmhurst
* Install stop signs and speed zones to make the race cars easier targets for flying beer cans.
* Modify all engines to run on 85 percent ethanol. The resultant cut in the cost of fuel would enable ticket prices to be reduced, thus encouraging more fans to attend the races.
— Tom Patton, Glenview
I don’t need two sentences to give my plan to boost NASCAR’s popularity; two words will do it: parimutuel betting.
— Stew Salowitz, Normal
With every NASCAR ticket purchase you get a raffle ticket to “win a date” with a NASCAR driver.
— Vicki Pinter, South Holland
Put a few slot machines at the track. Those gamblers will show up anywhere.
— R.M. Pinter, South Holland
Run races at venues that are truly exciting: major city freeways at rush hour. Coming next week: the Dan Ryan 500.
— Mathew Mandeltort, Green Oaks
Hire Sanjaya as a driver. The young girls will tune in because he’s cute and everyone else will watch in hopes of seeing him crash.
— Pam Herstein, Buffalo Grove
I think the fans would show up in droves if they’d bring back Socialist Literature Giveaway Day.
— Ross Peterson, Worth
