Q recently profiled some grandparents who subscribe to the “have it all” brand of living (“Grandma, What a Big Schedule You Have,” May 13). They see their grandkids, sure, but they also run corporations, do pilates, vacation in Alaska. “It’s definitely not ‘Let’s go to Grandma’s’ and they’re waiting on the porch,” Lake View mom D’one Wagner said in the story. “It’s ‘Where can we nail you down and when?'”
The article has prompted a mini-debate among some readers (and Q staffers!): Are grandparents obligated to help out with their grandchildren?
This e-mail from an Arlington Heights mom says it all: “The people profiled in your story were all active people and involved grandparents. I am one of many thirtysomething moms whose active parents feel absolutely no obligation to help me with my young children. I know I’m not alone: One of my friends recently asked her mother to baby-sit, and her mom instead wrote her a check and told her to hire a baby-sitter! One generation ago, helping with the kids was a grandparent’s job! Today, it’s a low priority on their to-do lists.
“It’s both sad and maddening. With so many two-parents-working homes, a grandparent’s help is needed more than ever. Do they have a right to go out and enjoy their life? Absolutely. But the grandkids now must compete with their other interests.”
No one is suggesting that today’s grandparents, as a whole, are slacking off. According to the AARP, grandparents provide regular child care for 23 percent of children under the age of 5. The number rises to 34 percent for children who live only with their dads.
But there are clearly pockets of tension out there among some families. Which is where you come in.
We want to start a dialogue about modern grandparenting. If you’re a grandparent, do you feel a responsibility to help with your grandchildren? If so, in what form — an occasional night of baby-sitting? Regular all-day care? Or do you resent being viewed as cheap child care? (You’ve raised your kids, now it’s time to enjoy life.)
If you’re a parent of young ones, do you want your parents or in-laws to pitch in and help with the kids? If so, in what form? Or do you prefer the grandparents do their thing while you raise your brood?
And if your family has found an effective way of dealing with this struggle, please share that with us as well.
It’s obviously a touchy subject, so we’ll be sensitive regarding the responses we print. We aren’t looking to stir up any family feuds!
E-mail your responses to hste vens@tribune.com and write “grandparents” in the subject line. Or mail them to Parent to Parent, c/o Heidi Stevens, 435 N. Michigan Ave., 5th floor features, Chicago, IL 60611. Please include your name, hometown and phone number.
We’ll print responses in an upcoming column.
