Dear Amy: My cousin and I were very close until she started dating a guy I don’t like and don’t want to spend time with.
He participates in illegal behaviors, has made inappropriate comments to me regarding my life decisions and has been incredibly rude at family gatherings.
Other family members, including her mother and sister, have spoken with her and tried to explain that this man is no good, but she professes that he is the best and has made her “happier than ever.”
I have not said anything to her about him but have more or less ceased all contact with her because I dislike this man so strongly and do not want to hear about him or have his behavior influence my life.
Is this something I should discuss with her, or do you just let people make their own mistakes when choosing spouses?
They plan to wed this summer, much to the dismay of myself and family and friends.
What is appropriate wedding behavior in a situation like this?
How do I act congratulatory when I feel this matrimony is so very wrong?
Any ideas would be appreciated.
— Close Cousin
Dear Cousin: Keeping your distance is an understandable reaction when you don’t want to spend time with someone, but if you were very close to your cousin before, then you should step up and explain yourself.
If other family members have weighed in on this union, you can register your concern by saying, “I know other people have expressed their concerns about your relationship, and I have concerns too. I want the very best for you.” This is a fairly neutral statement, and if she chooses to ask you specific questions, you should answer them honestly.
The appropriate way to behave at a wedding, regardless of the situation, is to be a good and gracious guest. If you choose to attend the wedding, you must not gossip about or express your displeasure about the groom.
Your presence will show support to the bride and her family, and even if you don’t like the groom, you should hope for the success of the marriage — because a truly successful marriage will change both parties for the better.
Dear Amy, I am an almost-16-year-old girl with supportive parents.
I love my parents, but they are controlling and a bit overprotective.
I enrolled in a few AP courses, and when I asked my parents if I could possibly drop one because I was feeling overwhelmed, they said no.
And when I was invited by a group of friends to hang out with them, they ridiculed me because I had to ask for permission and was denied the privilege.
Amy, I understand my parents want what’s best for me, but I’m a good girl. I would never do anything to disappoint them, but I feel smothered!
What should I do?
— Teen Tragedy
Dear Teen: Your parents are doing their job, and if this brings on ridicule from your friends, then I’d say your friends — not your parents — need correction.
You are entering a stage of life when you can treat a “no” as a starting point for a negotiation and see where it takes you.
Your parents might develop some appreciation for your position if you sit down and show them your books and the amount of work you have to do. Then you can make an argument that you will do better in your other classes if you take this particular AP course later.
“Hanging out” waves a red flag for lots of parents who aren’t comfortable with the open-ended nature of the concept. You might sway them by saying, “Let me tell you exactly who will be there, what we’re planning to do and when we’ll be done.”
Dear Amy: “Disgruntled Granny” was asking about cellphone etiquette.
If someone interrupts an in-person conversation with me and spends more than a couple of minutes talking on a cellphone or texting, I just smile and leave.
I even do this with my boss.
— Grandma Susan
Dear Susan: Many readers suggested leaving — but leaving with a smile is most polite.
