Joan Rivers was hilarious, risque, self-deprecating — brutally honest about everything, actually — and a trailblazer. With her New York accent and staccato delivery, she broke through in the 1960s as a female standup comic back when funny women were looked at differently: They were called “comediennes.” After an early stint in Chicago as part of The Second City troupe, she spent decades on television and in nightclubs telling jokes and telling the truth. She once said: “I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.”
Rivers died Thursday at age 81. Her death led to an immediate outpouring of affection and remembrance, especially on social media, where fans shared her jokes and clips of her many television appearances.
In tribute, here are five great Joan Rivers jokes and bits:
“When I was born, my mother asked the doctor, ‘Will she live?’ He said, ‘Only if you take your foot off her throat.'”
“This girl was a tramp. I mean Krazy Glue could not keep her knees together. A tramp! When she bought a car, she thought the front seat was optional. … That’s what men like, I’m telling you. You’re virtuous? Pfft. I spit on virtue. All that counts is sex appeal. … I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I could ever hear heavy breathing from my husband’s side of the bed is when he was having an asthma attack. Oh, you don’t know! … I tried everything. I bought the book ‘The Joy of Sex.’ Did you read that Chapter 11 where you wrap yourself totally in Saran Wrap? My husband came home and said, ‘Leftovers again?'”
“I am at the age now where I have liver spots. And my dog tried to eat my hand … I bought this big jar of Porcelana. By mistake I touched my chest and my boobs disappeared.”
“Oh I don’t cook. Flies come to my kitchen, they have to brown-bag it. The last time my husband had a hot meal, the house was on fire. And cleaning? Can we talk about cleaning? … You want the floor to shine, you have to wax the roaches. Do you know why? Because not one woman was ever made love to because she kept the house clean … These are all lies, my darlings: ‘The floors are immaculate! Lie down, you hot tramp.’ It never happened! Never!”
“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware.”
Join in the discussion on the Chicago Tribune Editorial Board’s Facebook page or on Twitter by following @Trib_Ed_Board.
