Dear Anna: Recently I wrote to a guy through a dating app and met him the next day. We met twice that day, in the morning for breakfast before I went to work and also at night for a drink, which led to a hookup. I became more interested in him, but it seems like he stopped replying through the app. He asked to stay in contact through Facebook so he can contact me next time he’s in town. (He was here for a short company thing.) What should I do? Did he stop replying because he was not interested? Or maybe because I was six years younger than him? —X
Dear X,
No, queen! He stopped replying because it was a booty call, plain and simple. He doesn’t live where you live, so if you’re looking for a relationship, your heart would be better served looking elsewhere, and probably not Margaritaville, aka the TGI Fridays in Skokie. If, however, you’re interested in the occasional casual sex romp when he comes back into town, then by all means, keep in touch with him on Facebook. But don’t kid yourself, lovely.
Dear Anna: I’m at a loss here. I’m dating a guy who is super sweet and adoring, but also very vanilla and not willing to open the relationship up so I can get my kink on. Is it worth sticking around? —Kind Is Not Kinky
Dear KINK,
I think there are plenty of sweet, adoring men in the world (and in the Chicago metro area) who would also be willing to tie you up and call you Ronald McDonald while you are force-fed Yoplait yogurt in a bridesmaid dress (or, you know, whatever your particular fetish entails). Meaning, if it’s important to you, your sex life or your identity, then don’t settle. It’s 2016, after all. Kink has come out of the closet in a big way in recent years, and having your cake and eating it off a spiked stiletto while being lovingly choked is your right and your privilege, if you’re willing to look for it.
Dear Anna: He’s married and I should know better. Why don’t I know better? —Anon.
Dear Anon.,
Because he hasn’t hurt you bad enough yet. Because “knowing better” doesn’t mean loving smarter. Because you are grasping at a single truth while a thousand other contradictory (and truer) truths mosey on past you unexamined. Because love is an asshole sometimes. Because you’re human and, hence, beautifully, spectacularly flawed. Because, as Sigmund Freud (of all people) once said, “We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.”
It’s OK, though. You’ll get there eventually. When you do, I hope the damage is minimal.
Anna Pulley is a Redeye contributor. Got a question of your own? Email redeyedating@gmail.com. Or let her send you overly personal emails here.
